224: Performance-Addicts, You Don’t Need to Prove Yourself to Anyone
Last Updated on August 29, 2024 by Alicia Michelle
Ever feel trapped in the cycle of attaching your self-worth to your accomplishments? I know that I have! When you’ve subconsciously built an identity around performing for worth through workaholism, it can be a difficult pattern to rewire. But with God's support and a proven brain science tool – I’m here to show you that it’s possible.
Join me as I share powerful “I am” statements from the Bible for over-performers and how to be secure in our inherent worth, identity, and talents that God has given us. If you can relate to being an overachiever and want freedom from these patterns, you’re invited to join me in the Christian Mindset Makeover!
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [03:08] The struggle of performance addiction
- [05:27] 4 “I am” statements for over performers
- [08:28] We get to decide what defines us (and what doesn’t)
- [12:30] We are given talents, but our talents do not define our value to God
- [16:28] Do we use our talents to please God or to prove ourselves to others?
- [18:56] Two reflection questions + using brain science to rewire self-worth patterns with the Christian Mindset Makeover
[03:08] The struggle of performance addiction
If you are someone who has been wired to achieve in order to recognize your self-worth, listen in. This is something that God has brought great healing around for me but is also still something that I have to be aware of. If you are an over-performer, you know that there is this treadmill of constantly doing enough to be enough.
With the women that I coach, I see that they are stuck producing and performing to show themselves worthy. They either do not feel worthy because of past mistakes or they are trying to prove themselves to God or other people. This is often something that happens subconsciously and becomes part of our identity.
The message I want to remind you of today is that your worth has already been decided and determined. There is nothing that you can do to be more or less worthy to God. You are already considered righteous, holy, pure, redeemed, and restored. This is not because of what you have done or will do because you are not going to be able to do it perfectly and neither am I. You are all of those things because Christ has done them for you on your behalf so that is the freedom that we get to live and stand in.
[05:27] 4 “I am” statements for over performers
I have put together 50 “I am” statements with a Bible verse attached to each of them. If you want this list, all you have to do is rate and review the podcast (wherever you listen to it), screenshot it, and send it to my team at hello@vibrantchristianliving.com.
This is normally a $49 dollar value but you receive it for free when you do that. I am going to share with you four of these that relate to the idea of not needing to prove ourselves because of who we have become in Christ.
Galatians 3:13 “I am redeemed from the need to perform or to follow the law standard.”
Romans 5:1 “I am at peace with God because of what Jesus has done for me”
Luke 15:3-6 “I am wanted by God, and He lovingly pursues me, even if I run from Him”
Zephaniah 3:17 “I am treasured by God, He delights in me, and He rejoices over me”
Whether we “feel” it to be true or not, the fact is that Christ is our foundation and strength. When we step into a relationship with Christ, He forgives our sin and wipes it clean. We are seen as a saint and a renewed creation. There is nothing that can separate us from that truth. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ. Nothing can separate you from his good plan and you can not work harder to try to make it better or less. We can confidently live from that foundational truth instead trying to prove it in order to gain confidence.
[08:28] We get to decide what defines us (and what doesn’t)
We also get to decide if we are going to accept and live by those statements or if we are going to try and make ourselves worthy and quantify our worth through our good deeds, accolades, or accomplishments. If you are someone like me that has been wired to accomplish and do big things, it is very hard to stop and say “Okay, God accepts me as I am”. It is hard to see ourselves as someone who needs a savior when we work hard at our growth and self-improvement, especially in a culture that values hard work and bootstrapping.
Many of us have the idea that we have to prove ourselves because of how we were raised and what our parents expect of us. All of this may be true but we get to decide how we are going to handle that interpretation.
I am not saying that we should not work hard, achieve or accomplish. I am asking “What perspective are we going to take in order to get to those things?” Are we going to achieve and accomplish in order to be good enough or are we going to achieve and accomplish because we already are good enough? That is the difference. We get to decide how we handle these pressures and expectations.
I also want to remind us that we get to decide what defines us and what will be our identity. Even if people have spoken lies over you in the past and said things that are harmful and hurtful that have become part of our DNA, we get to choose what identity we’ll take on.
As daughters of God, we are not going to get a better identity than what Christ offers us. It is not just what we feel, it is the truth found in His word. We get to choose what we will let define us and we do not have to prove that worth to anyone else.
[12:30] We are given talents, but our talents do not define our value to God
If you read the “Parable of the Talents” in Matthew 25:14–30, it tells a story about three servants who were given different amounts of silver based on their abilities. Two of them used the silver in confidence, not trying to earn the masters' favor, but because they knew that that was their call and what they were supposed to do. The third servant said “I was afraid I would lose your money. So I hid it in the earth” and was operating by fear, not the confidence of knowing who he was and the gifts that were given to him.
This story demonstrates that Jesus gives each of us specific talents in different amounts. You may be entrusted with the ability to teach or the ability to serve and care for others in an emotional capacity. We all have different capacities and talents that God has given us to use. I think a lot of us fall into the trap of not taking our gifts and moving them forward. We think “What is God going to do with this? Is this enough?” or we think, “I am going to prove it myself to God by using these in this way.” And God just says, “Look, you do not have to prove yourself to use these talents. I have given you them in order to further my kingdom and you can do so freely.”
[16:28] Do we use our talents to please God or to prove ourselves to others?
There are two other “I am” statements that I wanted to share to help you with your identity and gifts. Jeremiah 29:11 says “I am chosen to accomplish good things in the world that bring hope”. And Esther 4:14 says “I am irreplaceable and called with a specific purpose for this generation”. Do you know that you are called with a specific task? God has plans for your life that you do not even know about yet. Exciting things are ahead that we get to discover as treasures as we go along.
What will happen if we come to them and we find ourselves doing them as a way to please God or getting into the trap of trying to prove ourselves to other people? If this happens, we may not do it to the ability that God wants us to or we might be doing it with the wrong motives and it might not accomplish what he needs to accomplish. Most of all, it will leave us trapped in chains, because we feel like it is a “have to” versus a “get to”. It is something that we are doing as a means to an end versus as part of the gift that He has given us. These things can get in the way.
We can live differently. We can be solid in our identity and who we are in Christ. We can ask ourselves, “What are the things that are keeping me from believing in that?” Then we can be grateful for what He has given us as our identity that can not be taken away.
With His leadership and direction, we must let Him help us figure out what He wants us to do with the skills we have. We have that responsibility to use the talents that we have been given, but we are not defined by our talents.
We are not people who need to prove ourselves in order to be enough because then we will spend our lives trying to prove ourselves and we never will be enough. If we were able to be enough by our own talents and abilities, then God would have just told us to do that but He came in and said, “I know that you are never going to be able to fulfill all of these things and be perfect. So I am freeing you from that burden so you can serve without any burdens or difficulties in that way.”
[18:56] Two reflection questions + using brain science to rewire self-worth patterns with the Christian Mindset Makeover
The first question I want you to ask yourself from a curiosity standpoint is “What gets in the way of believing where I am in Christ? Where might that be coming from?” What gets in the way of you serving God and knowing that if you serve and it works out a certain way, great. And if you serve and it does not work out and God is calling you to it, great.
Either way, if He is calling you to do this service then it does not matter. It is not a condition of your acceptance in Him whether or not it works out the way you want them to or not. Ask yourself, what gets in the way of that? Are voices in your head saying “you should do this” or “a good Christian does this” getting in the way of that?
The second question I want you to ask yourself is when you do use your talents and gifts, do you feel that sense of satisfaction and think “Thank You, Lord, that was good work that you did through me.” Or do you feel like it still was not enough? Because not being able to rest with the work that God has done for you is the other sign that you still may be trying to strive and prove something to yourself, other people, or God.
These are signs of subconscious soundtracks inside that are running the show and truly defining how you have put together your identity. These are things where you can say the truth, like “I am a daughter of God, I am defined by who God says I am.” But if your actions and thoughts are different from that, then that is a sign that there are these subconscious patterns that are telling you how to operate in order to get worth and to get love.
If you deal with these patterns, you are not alone. I love helping women understand where these messages came from while showing them how to use brain science to put biblical truth in their minds to change their patterns.
If you are stuck in performing for worth and you want freedom, I would encourage you to sign up for the Christian Mindset Makeover. I also have a free workshop that talks more about these subconscious patterns and why we can feel like we are never enough (even though we know we are enough in Christ).
Next week we are going to talk about perfectionism and mindset issues that pertain to it so if you relate to being a perfectionist, make sure to tune in. If you’d like other free resources for renewing your mind according to God’s word, make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel to get snippets of encouragement throughout the week!
RESOURCES:
FREE WORKSHOP: How to Break Free from Feeling “Never Enough”
OTHER RELATED EPISODES:
223: People Pleasers, You Don't Need to Apologize for Your Decisions
FREE WORKSHOP: How to Break Free from Feeling “Never Enough”
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