206: Managing Rejection: How Can You Remain Strong + Courageous Despite Past Hurts?

Last Updated on August 29, 2024 by Alicia Michelle

Do you find yourself replaying moments of rejection over and over again? God shows us that there’s a different path to take when managing rejection. Today on the podcast, we're going to talk about the residual effects that can begin to creep in when we’re struggling with how to handle rejection, as well as Bible and brain-based steps we can take to be strong and courageous in the face of rejection and fear. Listen in for plenty of ‘be strong and courageous’ Bible verses that can help you when you encounter feelings of rejection.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

[01:03] An overview of the residual effects of and reasons for feelings of rejection
[03:12] A brain based perspective: How the brain tries to keep us safe when managing rejection
[12:18] How to handle rejection using Bible verses and the A.D.D. method
[22:45] How being strong and courageous keeps us in connection with God
[27:55] Other podcast episodes that can help you be strong and courageous

[01:03] An overview of the residual effects of and reasons for feelings of rejection

Sometimes the residual effects of rejection can creep up on us. Even after we’ve trained ourselves in managing rejection, to not to constantly revisit feelings or moments of rejection, it still can affect our ability to be confident and courageous, especially if God is calling us to move to the next level in our faith. Typically, when we look back at some of the reasons we might be stuck in overthinking or over analyzing, there's some sort of fear that we are working through. The fear of rejection is a common fear that we have as humans, and we cover that more in depth in episode 205.

As Christians, we’re familiar with verses where God says to be strong and courageous, to do what He’s asking us to do and that He will be with us through it all. With this knowledge, why is it that we still feel hesitation? It's often the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, and thankfully God has given us ways to move past those fears.

Bible verses for reflection:

Psalm 56: 10-13

[03:12] A brain based perspective: How the brain tries to keep us safe when managing rejection

When managing rejection, it’s important to know what is going on through a brain-based perspective, because it heavily influences our reactions. When we have been hurt, our brain remembers the pain. Since one of the major roles of the brain is to keep us safe, it's always going to try to prevent us from being in any more pain and to move us towards pleasure. So if we encounter a situation where we may get hurt, or we’ve been hurt before, then the brain will begin to throw up roadblocks to keep us from moving in that direction. It's really an attempt to keep us safe, to keep us living in this area of protection, but we know that boldly living the Christian life is not safe in this culture.

If you find yourself in these situations, you might find yourself making small, safe, comfortable moves. If they’re really small, wise choices that may be the choices God has for us, then that’s fine, but often this can be an indication that we’re avoiding the ultimate issue.

Our brain naturally doesn't like risk, but praise God that we don't have to just listen to the instincts of what our brain wants and doesn't want, that we can rise above that and decide we’re going to push through our fears and emotions and listen to what the Holy Spirit wants us to do. That's the purpose of this podcast, to be able to help you have some very practical tools for moving forward.

[12:18] How to handle rejection using Bible verses and the A.D.D. method

There’s a process that I use with my clients, a method that I’ve shared in many other podcast episodes, that is called A.D.D. This method is great for managing emotions, and you can use it in situations where we know what God has called us to do but we still feel an overwhelming sense of risk that paralyzes us in the moment. A.D.D. stands for acknowledge, discern, and decide.

First, we need to Acknowledge. When we acknowledge that our pain is real and why it makes sense that we’re struggling, we’re able to call on the God of compassion to help us find comfort.. Psalm 56:8 reminds us that there is a God who knows and loves us, who sees the pain that we've gone through, who is fully aware of the rejection we feel and is telling us it’s okay to process these emotions. He's saying, if this feeling continues to resurface and you need to process it, that He is here for you. He is stretching you in areas where you need to have the courage to seize the opportunity to go to that next level of healing.

Our second step is to Discern. This is the part in the process where we ask ourselves what is true and what is actually not true about our thoughts or situation. A great question in this step is to ask, “What biblical truth can I bring in here?”

There are two great examples in the Bible of people who took the risk despite feeling the fear of rejection because they were able to discern the truth of the situation. The first is the woman who struggled with constant bleeding, who risked breaking the laws of Judaism to be out in public and reached out to touch the hem of Jesus. The others around her were appalled, but her faith in the Lord and what could be done in Him restored her body. The second is the story of the man who was at the healing waters of Bethesda. He had been crippled for decades when Jesus found him sitting by the water. When Jesus asked him why he hadn’t been healed, he said that no one was there to move him into the healing waters. Before encountering Jesus, he had allowed his feelings of rejection, his feelings of having no one, to keep him stuck on the banks, just outside the water. In moments like these where we struggle to find strength, we can reflect on verses like Isaiah 41:10 and Isaiah 43:2.

The third and last step of the A.D.D. method is to Decide. We have to decide what’s at stake. What happens if we move past the rejection? What happens if we just stay stuck and don't take action? We can decide what we're going to do with our thoughts and feelings, so this is where we decide what our part is going to be and what we are going to put in God's hands.

A vital piece of moving through rejection is understanding that we can't prevent the risk from happening, and we don't know what the outcome is going to be, but that we are in control of our attitudes. We can have an attitude that God is going to be with us, that we’re going to obey God despite what might feel scary. If God is calling us to it, we can decide that we’re going to believe he's going to use it for good.

Related Bible verses for reflection:

1 Chronicles 19: 11, 13

[22:45] How being strong and courageous keeps us in connection with God

Being brave, strong, and courageous is what keeps us dependent on God. In these moments of moving past rejection and forward to courage, we also are able to reflect on our own limitations and our inability to do all the things God's called us if we’re on our own. In life, we will encounter situations where we get to decide if we’re going to partner with God and let Him expand us beyond what we know we can do in our own flesh.

As Christians, we're always looking for that next level of growth in our faith. What if the next level requires that we step into trusting him more? The next level may require us to say, “I'm not going to let these past fears get in the way anymore.” Sometimes, the only way these deep wounds are healed is if we step into the unknown if we follow His lead.

Bible verses for reflection:

[27:55] Other podcast episodes that can help you be strong and courageous

In addition to a glimpse into the A.D.D. method and the Bible verses we discussed in this episode, I also wanted to provide you with some other episodes that might be helpful when you encounter feelings of fear and rejection, or other thoughts that may keep us from remaining strong and courageous. There is so much that can be involved in these situations, including shame and trust with God. If you feel like shame, guilt, trust issues because of past hurts, or other feelings may be an underlying issue, then check out these three related episodes to better understand why you might feel fearful around being courageous or why you may be feeling some hesitation:

MENTIONED AND OTHER RELATED EPISODES:

171: It’s Time to Take Responsibility for Your Anxiety + Discover More Calm

193: 6 Negative Self Talk Phrases to Eliminate and Replace for More Self Confidence

205: Managing Rejection Pt 1: How Do You Stop Replaying A Hurtful Situation?

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