234: Rebuild Your Rest: Set Up Soothing Rhythms + Boundaries for Less Overwhelm
Last Updated on August 29, 2024 by Alicia Michelle
Ever feel like you can’t get soul rest, no matter how hard you try? If so, you’re not alone! Rest and self-care can feel like just another thing to add to our to-do list but in today’s episode, I am sharing what it means to create rhythms of rest in everyday life, how to overcome obstacles to rest, and the importance of setting boundaries so that we can do more of what rejuvenates us.
This episode will help you discover what’s preventing you from building rest into your life so that you can find more peace and replenishment from everyday stress. And, if you want support in bringing the phrase “new year new you” to life, make sure to join me in the Goal Planning Workshop!
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [01:39] Rediscovering a Rest Filled Life
- [06:30] The First Obstacle with Rest – We Don’t Know What Fills Us Up
- [12:37] The Second Obstacle with Rest – It Can Feel Overwhelming
- [14:19] Adding Rhythms of Rest into Our Daily Lives
- [17:34] Practical Ways That We Can Fill Ourselves Up
- [21:14] Using Delete, Delegate, and Dissect to Help Us Rest
- [23:24] Taking Action to Improve Our Lives
- [25:38] 3 Resources That Will Help You Find More Rest
[01:39] Rediscovering a Rest Filled Life
Many of us need to rediscover (or discover for the first time) what it means to build a rest-filled life. We all endured a forced rest during the pandemic and because of the stillness, a lot of us had to deal with the skeletons in our closet. That was a season of growth and healing for so many people but now everything has ramped up again and most of us are back to our regular activities.
To build a rest-filled life, we need to find a way to get to the root of what keeps us from setting up soothing rhythms. We can have all the ideas in the world but if we do not address the real reason why we are not implementing them, then it is useless. Today we are going to talk about some common reasons why we find it hard to rest and I am going to share some boundaries that I have established (and have had clients establish) to help keep rest as an ongoing rhythm.
I want to remind you that rest is not a sprint. Rest is something that we are continually feeding into and receiving from. Rest looks different in every season and we are always discovering what it can look like based on the season that we are in. In some seasons, there is more space for rest, and in others, God stretches the limited time we have to rest in order to equip us. In early motherhood, I did not get much rest but in the little times I did, it was very intense. God can offer and equip us instantaneously with rest and it is different for each one of us.
[06:30] The First Obstacle with Rest – We Don’t Know What Fills Us Up
Many of us do not know what rest is. We do not know what fills us up and we think of rest as downtime. While downtime can be restful, the rest we are seeking is space to let God fill us. There are different ways that we are wired to be filled up and we need to take the stress off of what it means for us to rest. We often end up running away from rest because it feels stressful to add it to our plates. I am here to remind you that rest is play, discovery, and curiosity.
We do not have to figure out what rest means to us for our entire lives and it does not have to be the same thing every time. It is being curious about what fills up your soul and mind while also noticing what energizes you so you can tackle the tasks you have at this moment.
There are also different ways that we get to rest. “Sacred Rest” is a really great book by Dr. Saundra Dalton Smith (you can also listen to Ep 149 where I interview Dr. Dalton-Smith on the topic of rest). From her perspective as a doctor and Christian woman, she talks about seven different types of rest. The classification of these seven different types has helped me figure out what boundaries I need to set in order to create the feeling that God wants to evoke in me. One of my friend's husbands talks about something called “zero time” which is where we have no commitments and can step away and do nothing. This is great but we also need intentional rest where we can be filled up.
One way to find out what fills you up is to make a list of anything and everything that sounds fun. What big or small things give you pleasure? In the Goal Planning Workshop, we do something called a dream bank. This is where we talk about the things God may want us to do and the dreams that are in our hearts. This is always the highlight at the end of the workshop because you are giving yourself space to dream. This is the same concept for finding rest.
As you start making a list you could always research different hobbies that you would like to try. When I was working with a coach, she shared with me that she wanted to try swimming. She signed up for a month and said “After this month, I will see how this makes me feel.” This was a low-stress way to try something new. You can do the same with a hobby and then ask yourself these reflection questions:
-Was this restful?
-Did this give my body the energy that I needed?
-Was it pleasurable for me to do?
There might be obstacles that you are coming against but trying one thing and moving forward will help you find what fills you up. This is where coaching is great because the purpose of a coach is to help us look forward. It is not about processing all of the things in our past, a coach can help you figure out what you want in the next season of your life and how you can step into it. If you find that you need help building a more rest-filled life, I would love to see if it is a fit for us to work together in a coaching environment. Apply here to learn more!
[12:37] The Second Obstacle with Rest – It Can Feel Overwhelming
The second obstacle we can come across is that we are so overwhelmed and rest feels like one more thing to add to our list. But what if instead of thinking of resting as another thing to do, we think of it as the energy to do the things we have to do? What if we could make the switch in our minds?
We all have a need for rest and what if instead of finding short-term satisfaction in things like food, binge-watching TV, shopping, sex, drinking, or drugs, we found it in using rest to fuel us for the things we need to do? Rest can become an ongoing priority. Just like we need to plug in our electronic devices to keep them from fizzling out, we need to rest to re-energize ourselves. We can use the little habits throughout our day like brushing our teeth or taking a shower to tap into rest. Rest is a constant flow, not a desperate scattered attempt to fix ourselves when we are burnt out.
[14:19] Adding Rhythms of Rest into Our Daily Lives
In our lives, we have moments where we need more critical rest but we also need to incorporate a regular flow of rest throughout our days. Even if it is just smaller moments of rest, this is more effective than not doing anything or splattering it all out in one sitting. We can view rest like bank deposits. When we are regularly putting money in the bank then we do not have to worry about there being any issues when we go shopping. So if we are regularly plugging in and putting those investments of rest in, then we can say yes to different responsibilities or things God is calling us to do. We will see these investments happening because we are choosing rest.
If we keep pulling energy out of our bodies, minds, or souls, without any replenishment, there are going to be problems that arise. That is when we start dealing with a lot of different issues because we cannot show up well and we are in a cycle of feeling depleted. We have to be aware that sometimes the best thing we can do is just rest!
One of my favorite stories in the Bible is about Elijah. It is right after God has done all of these miracles through him and he goes into the wilderness exhausted. He is depressed and tired, and the way that the Lord spoke to him first was by making him take a nap and have a good meal. He had to do those things before God could empower him to do the next thing. Sometimes we just need these basic things to fill ourselves up in order to keep going.
[17:34] Practical Ways That We Can Fill Ourselves Up
For me, being creative is a huge part of everyday rhythms. I like to find new recipes or drawing and painting. I am now part of a group called Urban Sketchers, where we go around town and sketch buildings, situations, or people. We need to make the things that fill us up a part of our everyday life.
You can also pay attention to those little moments of downtime that you have throughout the day. Instead of grabbing your phone while waiting at a doctor's appointment, you could sit in silence. This is not always possible and I know that there are often things we need to do but sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves and realize that we waste that downtime. Ask yourself in those moments of silence “What do I need that will bring me rest?” You may need to connect with a friend, you may have a lot of thoughts in your head that you have to get out, or you may need to just sit in silence.
Take advantage of these little moments and then make time to process and let the emotions out to be analyzed. This is something that we talked about in Episode 232 with renewing our minds by letting our thoughts out and putting in the truth of God instead. Then you can make a dream bank so you have ideas of what could really fill you up.
I also talked about my dream trip to Italy in Episode 231. This dream was 30 years in the making, it did not happen overnight. This was something that God put in my heart 30 years ago and it was slowly building until the point where it became possible. This was a soul-filling experience for me because it was a chance to be creative, to travel away from everyday life, to have great food, and meet new people. I walked out of that experience lit up and refueled.
We cannot take these kinds of trips every day, but we can dream about what could be and plan for these things to happen. We only have one life, we cannot keep saying “someday” to all of our dreams. What if this is the year that you take action on one of your dreams and the rejuvenation carries you through life?
[21:14] Using Delete, Delegate, and Dissect to Help Us Rest
Rest requires that we put up boundaries and that we say yes to the things that are going to fill us up and no to the things that are not. I know that in some seasons this is difficult but there may be ways that we can approach the tasks we are doing from a different perspective. I use something called the three D’s which are: Delete, Delegate, and Dissect.
If there is a task that is no longer serving us, then we can delete it. We do not have that freedom for everything and we are not called to do that for everything either. We are still called to persevere in Christ and that does not mean we delete everything that is too difficult. Sometimes God calls us to step down and delegate our responsibilities and let someone else manage them. In my business, I am thinking about things that have bottlenecked. I know that I cannot get rid of them but I do need to pass the tasks to someone else so it no longer feels like a drain to me. We can also dissect it and look at it from a new perspective. We can ask ourselves:
-What is the joy stealer here?
-Why is it reasonable that I feel joyless around this work?
-What is the truth in this?
-Where am I going to choose to dwell?”
[23:24] Taking Action to Improve Our Lives
Throughout the last few episodes, we have talked about how to set boundaries, how to find restoration, and how to rebuild rhythms and boundaries. Now that you are full of information, it is time to take action. There is a powerful analogy that I heard years ago around this idea of a sponge. When you first put a sponge under the faucet, it is dry. But once you turn the faucet on, it comes to life as it gets filled with water. As it keeps getting filled up, the sponge ends up dripping and spilling out. There is a point where the sponge needs to be wrung out.
This is exactly what happens with information. We get filled up but at some point, we need to take action. It is easy to just listen to a podcast then click to the next episode or show and get distracted by something else. I get it and I am right there with you. So I am challenging you to act upon some of the things that you have learned within these last few episodes. Only you can make the change. Even God is limited in how He works in your life because He needs you to cooperate and move forward.
[25:38] 3 Resources That Will Help You in Moving Forward
If you are struggling to step out and take the first step, I want to share with you three resources that may help. The first is The Christian Mindset Makeover. This is a nine-part program to help you understand the subconscious thoughts and soundtracks in your heart that keep you stuck and feeling like you are never enough. This program helps you rewire these thoughts to be in alignment with what God says. We are not just telling ourselves something different, but we are really learning what is there, finding healing, releasing things, and asking questions.
The Christian Mindset Makeover is very introspective and the women who take it are always blown away by all of the things that God reveals and how he changes and inspires. If you need support in figuring out what is in the way of you making a change in terms of rest, your relationships, or thoughts, this program is for you. There are subconscious patterns that have been developed and we need to lovingly work through them so that we can replace them with God’s truth. You can sign up for the FREE Christian Mindset Workshop where I talk all about the mindset makeover in more depth.
To move forward and find progress, some of us need to set up goals to help us take that first step. The second resource I recommend is the virtual Goal Planning Workshop on December 7th. I have a unique way of goal planning which includes:
-Looking back at what happened – honoring the hard and celebrating the good
-Looking around at what is going on right now – seeing the opportunities, the things that drain us, and the things that energize us
-Looking forward to what could be next – dreaming about the possibilities
This workshop is a small commitment with a huge reward. So many of the women who attended my last workshop said how empowered they felt. It helped them remember all of the good that God has been doing in their lives and many of them could not remember the last time they gave themselves space to dream. We are really good at staying in survival mode and looking at our to-do list but if you want to step into the life God has planned for you, make sure to join me on December 7th! And there will be a replay if you cannot make it live.
There has also been a desire for extra support and accountability around goal setting so I will be offering a group coaching program, “Onward + Upward” Group Coaching from January to March. This will be a place to check in about our goals and dive into the obstacles that are holding us back. I would love to support you and if this feels like a fit you can apply through that link, fill out the Google form, and we will schedule a time to talk. This space is extremely limited so I highly encourage you to apply if you are interested!
Today I invite you to make a decision to move forward in some way. Do not let all that you have learned here just fall away. I pray that you will sit with the Lord and move forward. I would love to be a part of your journey and look forward to helping you within any (or all) of these programs!
RESOURCES:
FREE Christian Mindset Workshop
“Onward + Upward” Group Coaching
OTHER RELATED EPISODES:
89: Permission to Rest, Hibernate + Find Resilience
125: How the Hustle Culture + My Need to Achieve Nearly Took My Life
149: A Fresh Look at How to Find Rest When You’re Tired of Being Tired with Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith
172: Why Do We Avoid Rest? Understanding and Getting Past Our Excuses
233: Restore Your Relationships: Create Guilt-Free Boundaries for Less Family + Friendship Drama
Live Goal Setting Workshop:
What if goal setting allowed you to honor your life, celebrate God’s blessings, and renew your perspective on what’s possible? This is how goal planning was meant to be.
I want to help you become more energized and joyful in the coming year, help you create a specific plan for change, and celebrate your wins.
Join us in this Goal Setting Workshop and let's discover a healing, Gospel-based approach to asking God to direct our next steps.
I can't wait to help you find clarity, renewal, and a new passion to love God and enjoy your life!
