227: Stop Letting Disappointment Steal Your Dreams
Last Updated on August 29, 2024 by Alicia Michelle
Do you feel unable to move forward because of disappointment? This is something that we all struggle with and it can keep us stuck if we don’t acknowledge it. Join me in this episode of the podcast as I dive into why we need to reawaken our hope and heal from our disappointment to live out the plans that God has for us.
If you desire to heal from self-doubt and start to dream big by trusting God, I invite you to join me in the Christian Mindset Makeover. I created this program to help you get to the root of what has been weighing you down to help you move forward toward your dreams!
Listen to today's episode to help you face disappointment and watch out for next week’s episode because we are continuing this conversation around goal setting and stepping into who God wants us to be.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [02:47] Think Bigger, Ignite Your Voice… and Deal with Disappointment
- [06:17] Our Voice (and Our Dreams) Are Signs that We’re Made in God’s Image
- [08:38] Are Past Disappointments Keeping You Small and Safe?
- [10:50] Overcoming Disappointment in Motherhood
- [12:27] Overcoming Disappointment in Marriage
- [13:39] Overcoming Disappointment in a Career
- [18:33] We Must Name the Pain Behind our Disappointments
- [20:20] Our Words and Thoughts Change Our Body Chemistry
- [21:50] It’s Time to Release Disappointment and Reawaken Your Inner Dreamer
- [22:24] Discover the “Where” and “Whats” in Your Disappointments
- [27:22] Action Steps: How to Start Healing from Disappointment
[02:47] Think Bigger, Ignite Your Voice… and Deal with Disappointment
At a podcast conference recently, God shared with me that I needed to “think bigger”. It’s easy to stay stuck where we are, and live in a little sphere right in front of us. For me, the challenge to think bigger was to dare to dream beyond what I thought was possible.
He also shared the next concept: that He wanted me to “ignite my voice.” At first I didn’t understand, but He gave me some “think bigger” ideas that I am in now exploring, and these align with His call to “ignite my voice.”
Finally God shared that if I wanted to think bigger and ignite my voice, there was some disappointment that I had to deal with. I felt like He had already done a lot of healing work in me but He also showed me areas of my heart that I really allowed disappointment to build. He said that these disappointments were wounds that kept me from going to the next stage where I could grow into the dreams He had.
Unfortunately, we live in a world with a lot of opportunity for pain, so disappointment is a natural by-product. Disappointment can steal our dreams and steal the good things God wants to do in us. We have to learn how to dare to hope even after times of disappointment.
I have had disappointments as a mom, disappointments in marriage, and disappointments in my career as a coach, author, and podcaster. Today I am going to unpack what we can do with the disappointments that we are feeling. We can move through them in a way that brings healing but also in a way that honors what God has planned for us.
[06:17] Our Voice (and Our Dreams) Are Signs that We’re Made in God’s Image
I recently met the premier vocal coach of many of the Christian artists that we hear on the radio. He shared about the power of using our voice. He began to explain that, as humans, we have this unique characteristic that we share with the Lord – we are the only creature in creation that has the ability to sing. Singing is evidence that we are made in the image of God.
I believe that when we look around the world and we are troubled by the brokenness we see, it is because we are comparing it to heaven. We are living with the same thing around voice. We are comparing ourselves to this ultimate ideal of what we had imagined a voice would sound like and we feel as if we do not measure up. Think about it–everyone we know hates the sound of their own voice!
He also shared that singing is one of the most vulnerable things we can do. I realized at that moment that I had some very real wounds that were causing me to stay stuck because I felt like I had not measured up. Ironically both the areas where I felt great disappointment and the areas God was calling me to “think bigger” both involved my voice!
[08:38] Are Past Disappointments Keeping You Small and Safe?
Many of us have been hurt many times, so we’ve developed this underlying belief that if we don’t have hope then we won’t be disappointed. It often feels easier to live in disappointment and not have hope than it is to actually take a chance and have hope because we could be hurt again.
There are two problems with that: First, this belief causes us to live small; and second, it also causes us to potentially miss the good things that God has planned for us.
We cannot take the next step, we cannot believe in the dream, and we cannot believe that it is possible for us to be more than we are right now. God revealed that this is where I have been living for a long time and I am sure all of us can relate.
Action step:
First, ask yourself if you are stuck in your box just because it is safe and known. Then ask God to help you see any areas of disappointment that need healing. How might He want you to move forward and be free?
[10:50] Overcoming disappointment in motherhood
My children are amazing. Yet it is impossible for us, as parents, to look at our kids and not have to wrestle with the concept that we might be disappointed. Our kids are human, they make mistakes, and we have made mistakes in raising them. There are also times where they have chosen to do things differently than we would have. That could mean that they chose differently in terms of following God or maybe they have made some decisions that we don’t feel like we would have made. When my kids were very young, I had a general disappointment of motherhood because I didn’t realize it would feel so hard and be so relentless. If you are a mother, ask God if there are some disappointments that He wants to help you work through.
[12:27] Overcoming disappointment in marriage
Although I am married to a wonderful God-fearing man who sacrifices himself to make our dreams happen, there are times when he does not understand me. That has been something that I have had to struggle with. My husband is more quiet, introspective, and an internal processor. He is not very emotional and I am highly emotional. That has been something that God has put before me to deal with. If you are married, we all have disappointments in our spouses but are we going to let those cause bitterness and anger in a way that we lose sight of the growth God can do in our marriage and life?
[13:39] Overcoming disappointment in a career
I am very goal-oriented in my career and for a long time I struggled with the idea if I take the “right steps” then everything is going to fall into place. But you and I both know that in life A + B doesn’t always equal C.
I have always wanted to be a writer and in 2010 I wrote a book about homeschooling. Although this was what God wanted me to write about, it was not traditionally published. It was a confusing time for me because I was sure God wanted me to be a traditionally published author. I did self-publish it, but because it didn’t meet my dreams of being traditionally published, I felt crushed, and I thought “God, you gave me this dream and told me to write this book. Why won’t it be traditionally published?”
Fast forward to a year and a half ago, I had another book proposal that I had gotten an agent for. We thought that publishers would pick it up right away but they did not. I talked to God and said “You finally allowed me to work with a literary agent, and we put this proposal together on the topic I thought you wanted me to write about. Now you are putting me in front of all these publishers but this book proposal is not getting picked up. Why is this?”
I took some time away from the book proposal, let the Lord speak to me about it, and we ended up changing the proposal, the concept, and the idea of the book. This new topic was so obvious! I wondered how I did not think of it before. Once we revamped it and put it back out, I am proud to say (by God’s glory and His power and because of His timing) it was picked up by a major Christian publisher!
I am sharing this story to say God had to work with me through the disappointment in my career in order to get me to the place where I was persevering. He wanted to help me heal those disappointments in order to have a victory.
[18:33] We Must Name the Pain Behind our Disappointments
One of the first things we need to do to move past disappointment is to acknowledge and recognize what happened. Some of us feel pain and we do not know where it is coming from.
For example, I noticed this when I work with women around emotions and they say they are so tired, angry, and overwhelmed. My first goal is to help them pinpoint the deeper feelings because those are often surface-level emotions. As an aside, the anger iceberg is a way of understanding emotions, specifically surface-level and under-the-surface emotions. If we think about the tip of an iceberg, it is much smaller than everything that is underneath the water. We have to get past the top layer to get to what is underneath. This is often how we must deal with our emotions. We have to move past the anger and other surface emotions to work through the heart of the matter which can be disappointment and hurt.
We have to consider what caused the pain and disappointment. This is important because what we tell ourselves about what happens in our lives dramatically affects every part of our body, not just our mind. It goes down to a cellular level and affects the chemical composition of our blood and our muscles.
[20:20] Our Words and Thoughts Change Our Body Chemistry
I recently read an article online titled “The Neuroscience Behind Our Words” and I wanted to share a bit about it. The author states that a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.Yes, positive or negative thoughts can quite literally change our realities.
The article references two scientists who explain this concept more fully: “By holding a positive and optimistic word in your mind, you stimulate frontal lobe activity. This area includes specific language centers that connect directly to the motor cortex responsible for moving you into action. Our research has shown, the longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain.”
If you have done work with me in the Christian Mindset Makeover or through coaching, you know that we talk about the subconscious soundtracks or thought patterns that are in your brain. These patterns are running the show and they are what is keeping us stuck in disappointment. This is why it is important to name them and use biblical truth and brain science together to find healing.
[21:50] It’s Time to Release Disappointment and Reawaken Your Inner Dreamer
Reawakening hope is very important. Our inner dreamer cannot grow in the same light as disappointment. You must feed your dreams and starve disappointment. If not, it is like trying to run up a hill with chains on your legs keeping you tied to the ground. If you do not starve that disappointment and push towards your dreams, you are going to be fighting back and forth.
[22:24] Discover the “Where” and “Whats” in Your Disappointments
To identify the source of the pain and disappointment we need to consider two aspects – the where and the what.
Questions for reflection on the “where”:
- Where is this disappointment and pain coming from?
- Is it related to a spiritual, physical, or emotional thing that happened to you?
Questions for reflection on the “what”:
- What was the specific trigger, situation, or person that caused the pain?
- Is this a new wound?
- Has this been compounded after years and years?
These questions are an important piece for the acknowledging piece of the method ADD (Acknowledge, Discern, and Decide) that I teach. We need God’s support, compassion, and empathy to move forward. We have to get to that point where God says, “Yes, my daughter, that was a terrible thing that happened to you. I am so sorry that you had to experience that and now as part of your healing I need you to get up and keep going. I have bigger things ahead for you.”
We have to be able to receive them and if we are down in the muck, we are not going to be able to move forward. Sometimes healing takes place in the forward movement action because if we wait too long, we can carry that muck and let it harden on us, become solidified, and keep us there. I want you to see and acknowledge what is there and feel God’s compassion for you.
[27:22] Action Steps: How to Start Healing from Disappointment
I want to encourage you to take action to move through the muck of disappointment!
Whether you are at the stage of needing to recognize the disappointments today and acknowledging them specifically before God; or if you have already processed it and God has given you some steps that you have not taken, I want to encourage you to move forward. It is time to find healing for that disappointment so you can dare to hope again and be in a mindset to receive the instructions for this next part of your life. God can give you the instructions but if you are blocked with all these other things, you are going to be unable to receive them. We have to prepare ourselves and take action.
Action steps you can take today:
- Need to really process some big traumas? I recommend Faithful Counseling. They are an online Christian counseling service so you can do your sessions via Zoom or on the phone. They will work with you to find a therapist that is a good fit.
- Want to address those patterns that cause you to stay stuck in disappointment and feeling “not enough”? Join me in the Christian Mindset Makeover. I have created this program based on years of coaching women through this process. In the CMM we help you address the subconscious soundtracks that keep you stuck in the mud, believing lies about yourself, thinking you are not enough, and stuck in perfectionism. All these things that keep us feeling disappointed and weighed down as if we cannot move forward. We look at and identify those through several exercises to get to the root. Then we use a tool called brain priming to change the neural pathways to God’s truth. I would highly encourage you to join us!
- I also talk about why we get stuck in these patterns of feeling not enough in this powerful free workshop.
Next week we are going to continue this concept of goal setting and stepping into this next part of who God wants us to be. I am excited to see what God will be doing in these areas as you continue to open yourself up to him.
I will leave you with something to ask Him, “Lord, show me the areas of disappointment that you want me to figure out and walk through. Help me to get clarity and know how to be healed so that you can take me to this next place you have for me.”
RESOURCES:
FREE WORKSHOP: How to Break Free from Feeling “Never Enough”
FREE WORKSHOP: How to Break Free from Feeling “Never Enough”
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