275: How Can I Name What I’m Feeling (When My Emotions Feel So Overwhelming)?
If you are looking for a resource to help you notice your feelings using the support from science + scripture, join the book launch team for my new book, Emotional Confidence!
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [05:09] Why is It Important to Learn How to Express Our Emotions?
- [08:54] How Can The Emotional Iceberg and Emotional Wheel Help Us Understand The Emotions Within Us?
- [16:39] Pay Attention to Thoughts and Physical Sensations with Emotional Reactions
- [21:48] Are You Willing to Process What Is Underneath The Emotional Iceberg?
- [25:31] Want Support In Naming Your Emotions? Join The Book Launch Team for Emotional Confidence to Start Your Journey!
[05:09] Why is It Important to Learn How to Express Our Emotions?
Emotional literacy is as important as the ability to have communicative language, Brene Brown states in her book “Dare to Lead” that if we are not able to name and articulate what is happening to us, we cannot move through it.
She compares emotional illiteracy to going to a doctor with excruciating pain yet you are not able to describe it because you have duct tape over your mouth and your hands are tied behind your back. The doctor wants to help, but because we can't describe what is going on, we can’t find the healing that we need. We have to learn how to express what is going on inside of us and to be willing to think through and consider:
-Where it may be coming from
-Why it is there
-What it feels like inside of us
I want to encourage you to imagine how different your life could be if you built the skill of understanding what you are feeling and had the language to express it. Because when we can express our emotions in healthy ways, we can experience this ongoing mental rejuvenation that not only relieves stress but allows us to know ourselves better and grow in godliness. Then it is so much easier to contextualize things like suffering, failure, and disappointment as natural parts of life. When we can name different emotions, it brings a lot of freedom.
Many of us have a hard time processing what we are feeling because we have lost the skill of noticing or cannot tie together emotional patterns. A lot of us are also carrying a lot of shame and guilt around our emotions. We may have hurt someone or we feel like our emotions are this wild beast that runs through our heads. In episode 272: Healing from the Shame of Unprocessed Emotions in Your Life and Relationships, we talked about the shame around our emotions and how we would rather just shove them in a corner than deal with them. So we have to first be able to notice them and work through the baggage around having emotions before we can get to a place where we can move past them.
A lot of us have also been stuck in these patterns of avoiding our emotions. So to be able to notice and name them, we have to be willing to say “I understand that I may have some guilt around this and I may have created some habits that are keeping me from being able to notice and name what I am feeling – but that is okay.” We all can start wherever we are at and we can move forward from there.
[08:54] How Can The Emotional Iceberg and Emotional Wheel Help Us Understand The Emotions Within Us?
In my new book “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture” I use the concept of an emotional iceberg. Just like an iceberg that has a little bit of ice above the surface and a lot underneath the water, our emotions function the same way.
A big emotion is like an iceberg – we are usually aware of a surface-level emotion like anger and overwhelm. Those are “safer” emotions for us to feel because they are less vulnerable to feel versus something like rejection. So the surface-level emotions will come up first and are easier to identify. But we have to be willing to break down underneath and see what is there. This is different for everyone and may be different for you depending on what situation you are in.
Emotion wheels can also help you identify these emotions. You can look at a visual copy of one here to understand how they work. They demonstrate how emotions can blend together to create feelings and build the nuances of a specific emotion. This can help you start to understand your emotions and expand beyond a basic feeling. So instead of just saying “I’m sad” you can break it down even more to either agonized, disturbed, miserable, disheartened, dismayed, displeased, regretful, guilty, or isolated.
When we can clearly define what we are feeling, it becomes much easier to address and manage those emotions. Then we can start to make parallels because of why we feel certain emotions and make connections as to what is happening and what happened in the past. This helps us to understand ourselves and how we process things. I also want to say it's difficult to realize what we are feeling in the heat of the moment, and in the next episode, we will explore why it is so difficult to differentiate emotions. From a neurological standpoint, it is actually really normal to not be able to figure that stuff out in the moment. This is why I will be introducing a concept called “emotional prep,” which will help you work through intense emotions like anger and overwhelm, so you can better understand what's really going on underneath.
[16:39] Pay Attention to Thoughts and Physical Sensations with Emotional Reactions
As we talk about how to notice and name what we are feeling, we have to consider two perspectives:
1. Your thoughts
2. Your physical sensations
So with the mind, what are you thinking about in the moment? It may be hard to logically process but we can at least notice what they are. Journaling either in the moment or habitually as part of a regular check in with yourself can help you notice more about yourself. There is a practice called “morning pages” that I encourage a lot of clients to do. This is where you write three pages of whatever comes to your mind. It is great to get things out even if you are not analyzing it but you can notice some different patterns that may come up. And then that really helps you begin to think, “Okay, how can I deal with this differently?”
For example, if you have thoughts like “I am the only one who feels like this” or “I wish someone would reach out to me” it may mean you are lonely. Then you can ask yourself what is the need you are looking for others to meet. There may be something missing for you and noticing this pattern and what you need may help.
When we think about what our emotions look like in our bodies, I would encourage you to ask yourself what sensations you feel. This is not to process or change them at the moment, it is just to notice them. So for me, when I feel nervous or anxious, I can feel nauseated, dizzy, or have butterflies in my stomach. If I am under a lot of high stress and feel emotionally exhausted, I will get a headache and feel dizzy. These are different sensations that we can feel and it is important to be able to link the thoughts with the sensations but also discern what we are feeling because sometimes we can have emotions that feel similarly in our bodies.
For example, I also feel those butterfly feelings and dizziness when I know that God is calling me to do something very specific but I am hesitant to obey. So it really takes an understanding of what are the thoughts that you are having and being able to name the feeling. Both of these are learned skills but if you can learn to pay attention to them, you can start to notice and draw connections about yourself.
[21:48] Are You Willing to Process What Is Underneath The Emotional Iceberg?
Once we notice what we are feeling, we need to be willing to process it. This is a bigger issue and for many of us, it can feel daunting to know what to do with those emotions when we find them. Because truthfully, a lot of us have lost hope that it is even possible to manage our emotions. Maybe we have been hurt by other people who have blown up on us, maybe we have been that person who has tried to keep things under control, or maybe we feel like there is no hope so we avoid our emotions. We do not want to open the can of worms because we already have other things going on in our lives. We often have shame, guilt, or lack of hope when we are not convinced that there could be ways that can be helpful.
We also may be wondering “Okay now I know what I am feeling, so what do I do with it?” This is where the specific method I teach in Emotional Confidence helps. It is called ADD: acknowledge, discern and decide. This helps you to know what to do with what you are feeling and instead of just walking away from it, you can use this tool with God to work through and release this emotion. Once we can name the emotion, we can start the journey of healing it.
I want you to know that you can grow and learn how to process your emotions. There is a God who wants to partner with you in this and to help you walk through the emotion with compassion, to give you clarity about what you are feeling, and to give you courage to make the right decision.
[25:31] Want Support In Naming Your Emotions? Join The Book Launch Team for Emotional Confidence to Start Your Journey!
If this whole conversation around emotions is interesting to you and you want to get the book, here’s how you can do it:
1. You can preorder it wherever books are sold and they will automatically send it to you the day it launches
2. You can Join The Book Launch Team
If you want to join the book launch team, it is simple and all you have to do is:
-Pre-order Emotional Confidence on Amazon
-Share about the book in some capacity whether that is on social media or with a friend
-Once the book is live, write a review on Amazon or Goodreads
In return, book launch team members get an early-reader copy of the book plus other exclusive bonuses!
I really want to give people practical tools to understand what they are feeling but more than anything, to be able to have a way to connect with Jesus on a more intimate level. We have the opportunity every day, as we walk through our emotions, to use these as chances to connect with the living God, to invite Him into our lives, to help, ask Him for help, and work through these things.
This book can bring a big transformation so grab a copy of Emotional Confidence to learn some of these tools and get connected with Christ in this awesome way!
RESOURCES:
Tired of up-and-down feelings stealing your peace, sabotaging your relationships, and filling your mind with self-defeating thoughts? If so, make sure to join the launch team for my new book, “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture”, coming November 12th!
RELATED EPISODES:
271: (New Book!) Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science + Scripture
272: Healing from the Shame of Unprocessed Emotions in Your Life and Relationships
273: Overcome the Fear of Managing Emotions with 4 Empowering Truths
274: Are Emotions Sinful? How Can We Honor Emotions While Also Honoring Biblical Truth?
