287: Leaving a Legacy of a Well-Lived Life with Sally Clarkson
What does leaving a legacy mean to you? In this episode, author Sally Clarkson shares how living for God has supported her throughout her life and how our legacy is something we discover during different seasons of life. Although life was never promised to be perfect, living without regret is possible when we realize that we are already accepted in God’s eyes. Know that it is possible to flourish and have a life well lived – no matter what story you are in right now.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [03:01] What Inspired Sally to Write Her Latest Book “Well Lived”
- [07:32] How Can We Let God Direct Our Stories?
- [12:54] “Getting Rid of Fear is Letting Go of The Voices That Make Us Feel Insecure”
- [17:52] How Do We Rebuild Our Trust in The Lord?
- [24:34] The Importance of Bringing Light Into People's Lives
- [30:10] “You Develop Your Spiritual Muscle by Connecting with God a Little Each Day”
- [33:00] Life Was Never Promised to Be Perfect – Have Courage & Let Go of Expectations
- [39:43] Alicia’s Reflections: We Have The Ability to Be the Light for Everyone Around Us
[03:01] What Inspired Sally to Write Her Latest Book “Well Lived”
When Sally was writing her book, Well Lived, she shares she had a wonderful team that followed her to her favorite places in Oxford. Before she started writing, she had a lot of different ideas. She was walking through Oxford and said “Lord, what matters? What are the foundational things that you taught me that I can pass on to my friends? I want them to know it is possible to flourish and have a life well lived – no matter what story they are in right now.”
What she wants people to know is that having a well-lived life is full of changes and ups and downs. She was almost 70 when she thought about this book and throughout her life she has been so blessed with the wisdom from God that she has followed. On page 16 she says “Every woman has the potential to embrace her own story, to become queen over her own domain, to work hard, to leave a legacy of wisdom, love, gratitude, and grace.” This is an important message to share because many women feel lost right now. The internet is full of advice, political things are going on in the world, and many women do not have Godly friends or people who partner with them in their lives. All of this makes it easy to feel lost.
I also think that oftentimes the wisdom and truth of generations have not been taught to women. Sally shares when she had her first child she did not even know how to change a diaper. Although she grew up wanting to get married, she never thought about having children. As she looks back, she realizes that her ministry came out of her desire to offer other women the encouragement that she longed for and did not have. Sally has 70 years of stories of God's faithfulness in her book and you can see the truths being lived out.
[07:32] How Can We Let God Direct Our Stories?
It is so important to stand back and look at God’s design, Sally says. Each one of us has unique DNA, fingerprints, facial features, ways of living, and hearts. There is no “one way” to be content or to flourish in life. Many of us focus a lot on the externals but she thinks that having a deep, rich inner life where you feel accepted and loved as you are is what we are searching for.
There are so many ways to find happiness and contentment and it is not dependent upon what you accomplish. None of us are perfect and God has created each one of us with a particular design. He loved designing you and He also created you with a story that you are meant to live out. Each of our stories is unique and the way that we live them matters.
In Sally’s book, she talks about agency and capacity. She shares that understanding and accepting our backstory, strengths, and weaknesses is an important part of moving forward. When she says that we have agency, she means that we can make decisions and take risks. For example, when she looks back at a time when she was working in a student ministry organization, they challenged a group of 6,500 people to take a risk and move to Communist Eastern Europe to work in discipleship ministry with people. She thought “They are never going to accept me since I do not have much experience.” Out of 6,500 people, only she and another person stepped forward. Although she was not qualified, she wanted to do something meaningful. This was the beginning of her going to Europe which changed her life.
To do this she had to take a risk, work hard, and be willing to be there. Sometimes, it is as simple as taking a step forward and saying, “I just moved to a new town, what can I do here?” Sally shares her own experience of moving 24 times, including nine times internationally. Each time, she had to start fresh, either by starting a book club, inviting women from church to a mom’s night out, or opening her home to connect with others.
When Sally talks about agency and capacity, she explains that capacity is the unique set of skills or potential each of us has. She shares the story of a friend who did not have a nurturing background growing up. When this friend got married, she acknowledged her limitations but chose to learn. She taught herself to cook, practiced hospitality, and made intentional goals to grow spiritually. Although she was a brand new believer, she committed to reading the Bible, listening to sermons, and stepping into new experiences. Sally describes her as a perfect example of someone who tapped into her hidden capacity. God has given each of us this capacity and by trusting Him and working diligently, we can grow into a flourishing life.
[12:54] “Getting Rid of Fear is Letting Go of The Voices That Make Us Feel Insecure”
Many women want to step into a different life but they are afraid they are going to make the wrong decision. Sally reminds us that it takes time to understand a new way forward. A lot of women have self-doubt and fear of failure but the Lord cares deeply that we find His joy in our lives and that we enjoy the beauty that He has created. He wants us to cultivate a life of love and give encouragement to others. There is no way that you can please God more than just enjoying His love.
Sally had three children, experienced three miscarriages, and then became pregnant again when she was almost 41. Every morning at 5 o’clock, her little girl would come into her room, snuggle up as close as possible, and fall asleep beside her. One day, as Sally reflected on this precious moment, she thought of Psalm 131, which says: “I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother.” It was as if the Lord spoke to her heart, saying, “This is how I see you. I am the God who wants to hold you close. I am your Father who has compassion for you. I am your Shepherd who desires to care for you.”
This closeness requires us to move into a place of trust. We are like toddlers to Him. As Psalm 103 reminds us, “He remembers that we are dust.” God does not expect us to be perfect. Instead, He calls us to love Him, grow in our knowledge of Him, and deepen our companionship with Him. A significant part of overcoming fear is learning to let go of the voices of condemnation, insecurity, and self-doubt. In His presence, we can find peace and the assurance that we are fully loved, just as we are.
One thing Sally wishes she had known years ago is that many of us will probably not meet many people who share our exact ideals. We long for affirmation from someone who truly understands and is like us. Over time she has realized that instead of looking around for affirmation, we need to look to the Lord. She has learned to pray and ask, “Lord, what do You have for me today? Through the power of Your Spirit, what do You want to accomplish in and through my life?” This shift has helped her become more confident in the unique path God has created for her. She has stopped looking left and right for others' approval.
Sally has embraced the idea that when God places a conviction on her heart, she can move forward with confidence. Ultimately, God calls us to take His hand and let Him love us. We are already accepted by Him. Letting go of guilt and the need for approval is essential because guilt is a poison that holds us back. Many of us are very afraid to step into the adventure side with God. We want everything to be figured out and known ahead of time. But the future is always unknown. The longer we walk with God and trust Him on this adventure, the more we can move forward.
[17:52] How Do We Rebuild Our Trust in The Lord?
So what happens if we are afraid to savor our lives and cannot trust that good things are ahead? Sally shares that she wishes she had a more mature understanding of when Jesus said, “In this world, you have tribulation.” In life, there are going to be difficulties. There is stress in everything because we are living in a broken place – and understanding this is important.
God can meet us in both small and significant ways and Sally shares this story to remind us of this. Her life has not always been easy but throughout her journey, she has often prayed, “Lord, I’ll go anywhere, do anything, and be Your servant.” Sometimes that meant walking through challenges but other times it meant leaning into the gifts God had placed in her heart. When Sally moved to Oxford, it was initially to help her daughter Sarah who had received a full scholarship for her Master’s in Theology. Sarah needed someone to watch her baby for a few hours each week, so Sally agreed to help and lived in a small flat near Sarah’s home.
While walking to Sarah’s house each day, Sally noticed a house that stood out to her. It was beautifully renovated with flower boxes in the windows, had a charming bench, and a little garden. Sally thought to herself, “If I ever live here again, that is where I want to be.” When it came time to find a new place for the following year, Sally’s husband began searching online for rental homes. They did not know that the world was about to change when the pandemic happened. Sally remembered the “fairy house” and prayed to God to make it available. They found out that it had been rented and would not be available for a few more years.
But Sally continued to pray because she felt that God cared about this small, yet meaningful dream. After searching through 92 listings without finding anything, her husband came to her on their last day of searching and said, “You will not believe this, the fairy house just became available today.” He immediately contacted the rental agency in Oxford and the agent said, “We haven’t officially listed it yet. I don’t know how you saw it, but we just found out it’s available because the previous tenant had to cancel due to an illness in their family. If you take it right now, unseen, it’s yours.”
Sally and her family moved into the house and it turned out to be a perfect refuge during the pandemic. Despite the challenges, they hosted Bible studies in their garage. For Sally, the fairy house was a testament to God’s faithfulness, not just in granting her heart’s desire, but in showing how even small dreams can lead to meaningful opportunities. She often reflects that trusting God does not always mean taking big, overwhelming steps. Sometimes it is about delighting in the small things and believing that God can build something beautiful, brick by brick.
[24:34] The Importance of Bringing Light Into People's Lives
God wants us to picture that we are His light in a dark world. We are the people who give words of love and hospitality. Sally reminds us that most of life is the “in-between” and the mundane. When she first moved to Oxford, she only knew her daughter. Her goal was to go out more and talk to people at her new favorite places. She would say to the barista, “You saved my life every morning. You are the best coffee maker of anybody I have ever known.” When her neighbor would come outside, she would ask them about their dog. She wrote down goals in her journal of inviting people in her life and she eventually made a community in a place where she did not know anyone. In small ways, she had to bring light into people's lives. She wanted to love as many people as she could, even being an introvert. She had to create the joy and familiarity herself.
Loneliness is such an epidemic. Many women are looking for a mentor and other people they can connect with. I hurt with other women who feel like this because I have been in the same place but there are practical things that you can do like Sally demonstrated. She used the opportunities around her to connect with people while spreading love and light. This theme is very prevalent throughout her book: “No matter what happens in my life, I am determined to step into the love and light and to be someone like that for everyone around me and to see the opportunities instead of sitting back and being depressed.”
Sally had an aha moment when she was in her mid-40s on a mission trip. Everywhere she went, people were depressed. At this time, she was at a crossroads in her life where she too was going through many difficult circumstances and relationships. She then had an epiphany when she was heading back and thought “I do not want to be a victim of my own life.” We all know the parable of talents where God gave each of them a different set of skills, blessings, and opportunities. The two who invested their lives and found some way to work their lives into a place of beauty received praise from God.
God was very harsh on the person who hid their talent. This is one of the places in scripture where Jesus is harsh because He wants us to take the natural resources of our lives. And when that sunshine of His love comes into our lives, He says, “How will you use that within the context of your neighbors, house, life, job, and family in a way that they will know more about My love because you have given them words of love.” When you follow the wisdom of God, the natural consequence is having a flourishing and fruitful life.
[30:10] “You Develop Your Spiritual Muscle by Connecting with God a Little Each Day”
Many of us long for this connection with God and want to keep showing up for Bible study, asking questions, and trusting in Him – but we often feel like we have so much to do. Sally shares that since she is 70, she is subject to heart attacks, diabetes, and Alzheimer's. This has led her to become an avid walker because she knows that it helps her – but it does not help if she only does it once. To build muscle she has to be consistent and some days she has to drag herself out of bed to walk her three miles a day. It is a discipline, habit, and practice.
The same thing goes for spirituality. You do not grow spiritual muscle by ignoring God and His Word. You develop spiritual muscle by taking it one day at a time and a few minutes every day. There are so many devotions and Bible studies and if you want to have a life that is carried by the hand of God, then you need to be investing in His wisdom. Sally says that the more she memorized Scripture, the more He had access to her brain. It took awhile to build many verses in her mind but if she never started reading His word, she would have never grown her capacity for it.
[33:00] Life Was Never Promised to Be Perfect – Have Courage & Let Go of Expectations
Life is much harder than Sally thought it was going to be but heroes are people who had the same difficult circumstances but chose courage. She was recently talking with one of her children who has been going through a difficult season of life and he said “The reason I was confident enough to walk through this year is because I watched you and Dad walk through so many difficulties in your life, and you kept moving forward and trusting God.” Sometimes other people can have courage because they saw us have courage or they can trust God because they saw us trust God. A part of God’s discipline in Sally’s life to help her grow in spiritual strength was teaching her to trust Him with the time in which she lived and to hold His hand through those moments. We do not always see the big picture.
Sally’s words are deeply encouraging for anyone navigating a difficult season of life. Whether you are experiencing the pain of a broken marriage or, like me, walking through a season with kids in their late teens and early 20s, her insights resonate. As parents, we pour and pour into our children, modeling faith and love, and then come to a place where we simply have to trust that our imperfect best is enough.
Lately, I (Alicia) have been reflecting on how prideful it can be to think that we, as parents, are the sole source through which our children will learn about God or hear His story. Of course, we give 100% and show up fully but as Sally reminds us, there is a profound freedom in releasing the outcomes to God. Trusting that what we did, along with God’s faithfulness, is enough.
Sally points out that even Jesus prayed, “If it’s your will, can you take this cup from me? Take this burden away from me. But not my will – yours be done.” Through His sacrificial death, we received salvation, love, forgiveness, and a way forward. Sally believes one of the most important aspects of life is learning to let go of expectations. We were never promised that life would be perfect or that people would always be kind, mature, or holy. What we were promised is that Jesus would never leave us. He said, “In this world, you will have tribulation. But take courage – I have overcome the world.” Sally admits these were long, hard lessons for her to learn. But that is one of the reasons why she wrote the book so that we can learn the lessons earlier than she did and see how God is always faithful and good.
[39:43] Alicia’s Reflections: We Have The Ability to Be the Light for Everyone Around Us
One of the things I appreciate most about Sally is her ability to articulate those deep, unspoken thoughts – the things you are not quite sure how to say or even fully understand. She has this hard-fought wisdom that resonates from the deepest places. Her insight comes from her decision to stay rooted in God, consistently connected to His word, and committed to standing on His promises. Sally has chosen to live a life of love and light and it is deeply inspiring.
I appreciated her honesty about her time in Oxford. When you read her book and see the stories and pictures, it is easy to assume she had a well-established community there. But as Sally shared, when she first arrived, she did not know anyone outside of her children. She had to make the decision and say “I am going to be here because I know that there are things God has called me to do. He has called me to speak life into other people and that is not going to happen if I am just sitting here.” She decided to engage with the barista, greet her neighbors, and actively connect with others. We can all be this light to everyone around us. By trusting God to use us and stepping into our agency, we can create legacies that reflect His purpose for our lives. It begins with asking, Where am I now? What has God called me to do in this season? Then finding creative ways to live that out.
I also appreciated how she talked about our legacy being the discovery of who we are and that it is ongoing throughout different seasons of life. In the book, she says “I had to discover how life in a fallen world could bring heartbreak and that God would companion me during those seasons.” Those are two powerful revelations. Yes, there will be heartbreak in life, but also, Jesus will walk with us through it. We can lean into His companionship and keep making those everyday decisions that bring a big difference over time.
In the book, she talks about how cultivating a well-lived life helps people encounter God in a real way. In today’s culture, God is often viewed as either distant or vague. But as Christians, we have the privilege of a living relationship with Him – a reality that changes everything about us, even our expressions and demeanor. What an incredible privilege to live this out, even during painful or challenging seasons, when the choice to trust Him feels the hardest. In those moments, God provides comfort through His word, His Spirit, and His people.
If you are looking to hear from someone who has lived this life of wanting to please God and do the right thing, I highly recommend Sally’s book Well Lived. It is one of my favorites from her, not only because of the message but because of the beautiful pictures throughout. You really feel like you are walking alongside her!
RESOURCES:
Tired of up-and-down feelings stealing your peace, sabotaging your relationships, and filling your mind with self-defeating thoughts? If so, make sure to get my new book, “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture”.
Want to see what Emotional Confidence is about? Download the first chapter for FREE!
Connect with best-selling author Sally Clarkson