286: Emotional Confidence Through Holiday Stress
Although the holidays bring joy, they can also bring holiday stress. Taking care of our mental health during the holidays is essential to fully enjoy the season. If you want to prepare yourself for the emotions during the holidays, join me today! Make sure to grab a journal as I share a practical three-part plan to help you build emotional confidence and navigate this season with peace and intention.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [01:56] Why Are The Holidays Full of Emotional Triggers?
- [07:16] 3 Ways to Diffuse The Emotional Overwhelm of The Holidays
- [12:35] Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Experience Holiday Stress
- [15:47] What Are We In Control of and Responsible For?
- [21:33] The Three-Part Plan You Can Use to Be Emotionally Confident Through The Holidays
- [26:10] Want More Practical Tools to Help You Through Holiday Stress? Grab Your Copy of Emotional Confidence Today!
[01:56] Why Are The Holidays Full of Emotional Triggers?
Let’s talk about why the holidays are full of emotional triggers. First, there are people and situations we have to deal with that can frustrate us – like those family members you rarely see but have to interact with every holiday season. Maybe it is a situation where you are traveling to someone’s house (when you did not want to) or your yearly plans have changed and everything feels off. In the Emotional Confidence Club (my membership community for women who want to implement the emotional management strategies that we talk about in Emotional Confidence), we were recently talking about how people and situations are the biggest triggers during the holidays.
Then there are our overcrowded schedules. While yes, we may be having amazing experiences together, at the same time we still have to do our everyday things. We still have to do the laundry, take care of our animals, go to work, or take our kids to practices. All of the responsibilities are still the same. For those of us who are already overwhelmed and stressed by everyday life – these extra things in our schedule can really set us off.
Then there is the pressure to perform. We want to get the right gift and to be at all of the events. There is this seasonal FOMO that comes over us because we do not want to miss out on these things. I am not talking about family expectations, I am just talking about the extra stuff we want to do. I am guilty of this, especially as a mom I want everyone to have all of the experiences every year. Thankfully I have a husband who steps in and reminds me that we do not have to do everything. When we add in all of these extra activities, there is a lot of added pressure, more planning, and more chances for bad attitudes because everyone is getting dragged around.
Many of us also travel during the holidays which is a great thing for some and not for others. Sometimes we have to travel to places we would not have necessarily chosen to go to and we have to use vacation time to take care of family expectations instead of a trip we would rather be on. Of course, there are positive sides to spending time with family, I am not diminishing that, but there is an added element of the stress of travel and the expenses that come with it.
Then we have the grief, disappointment, and things that are not a hallmark ending to our lives – which trigger us the most. Maybe we have lost a loved one, maybe we are going through a divorce, maybe our son or daughter has walked away from the faith and we are estranged from them. There are so many things that can come up and the holidays trigger so much of that.
The final reason the holidays can be emotionally triggering is the positive stress they bring. This season is filled with fun activities, delicious food, changes of scenery, reconnecting with family and friends, and meaningful moments with the Lord – like reading devotionals about the coming Messiah or hearing the Christmas story. These are incredible experiences that make Christmas so special but they often bring up deep emotions and even these positive emotions can be draining. Whether the emotions are joyful or challenging, the heightened emotional intensity of the holidays can easily lead to mental and physical exhaustion.
[07:16] 3 Ways to Diffuse The Emotional Overwhelm of The Holidays
So how can we prepare ourselves for the emotional stress of the holidays? This is not avoidable but we can prepare for it and have plans of action. We can set ourselves up well to respond in certain circumstances. As a reminder, holiday emotional stress is a reality but it does not have to steal the blessings that God has for this season. You do not have to get so derailed by holiday stress that you cannot even enjoy the beauty and the gift of celebrating our Savior at Christmas.
We may not be able to prevent some of the situations that trigger these emotional challenges during the holidays, but we all can help defuse the emotional overwhelming challenges. Remember, we are in charge of our mindset, our actions, and our decisions. We cannot control other people, how they are going to show up, or what they are doing to say. We can only help ourselves make the best decisions with our minds, and our actions and by preparing in a few ways:
First, we can create an in-the-moment plan to address known emotional triggers, such as specific people, circumstances, or situations. For example, we can say, “I know we are going to this place, and I know this particular situation might come up. What can I do to prepare?” We can role-play potential scenarios, make wise choices around boundaries, even limit our time in certain environments, or decide not to go at all. The key is deciding ahead of time how to handle these known triggers. Of course, life often surprises us with unexpected situations we did not plan for, and we will need to navigate those as they arise.
Second, it is so important to offer ourselves extra support to maintain emotional stability during this season – we need a plan for everyday emotional calm. In my book, Emotional Confidence, we explore this concept and provide tools like ADD to process emotions. We also discuss practices for calming the body, such as a concept called “emotional prep”. We also talk about habits and lifestyle choices that can strengthen us emotionally. These steps are vital, especially during high-pressure times. I often use the example of a boiling pot of water on a stove – if we keep turning up the heat, the pot will boil over. We are not surprised by that so why are we surprised when we find ourselves in situations where we are about to lose it? This happens because we let things build without a release valve, pushing harder without addressing what is going on. Developing a maintenance plan for everyday calm is essential and I will share more about this later on in this post.
Third, it is helpful to identify and intentionally cultivate the emotions we want to experience this holiday season. Maybe it is gratitude, contentment, peace, expectancy, joy, or a reverence for God. Whatever it is, think about how you can proactively lean into those emotions. What activities or mindsets would help you foster them?
[12:35] Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Experience Holiday Stress
I want to share a few questions you can ask yourself before we get into the three-part plan to be emotionally confident during the holidays.
1. Why is it important to prepare yourself for these emotionally triggering situations? Why is it important to create a plan for additional support for yourself to intentionally cultivate certain emotions?
2. How will that change how you and/or your family experience this season?
Every person is going to have a different answer to those questions. For me, there were a few holiday seasons where I had to internationally manage what I was feeling and what we were involved in. One year I was giving birth right at the end of November and I knew that was going to affect the holidays. I dramatically changed and made a plan for how I was going to address some of the holiday experiences and some of the attitudes that I was going to cultivate to support myself emotionally. So asking yourself those questions can help you determine why it is important to do this work.
[15:47] What Are We In Control of and Responsible For?
I also wanted to bring up two concepts that relate to this which are responsibility and control.
Episode 282: Emotional Responsibility: How to Stop Owning Other’s Feelings + Take Charge of Your Own can also really help you with this concept. I want you to consider these questions:
-What are you emotionally responsible for during the holidays?
-What is in charge for you to own?
-Are there things that you are picking up that you are not emotionally responsible for like other people’s expectations or experiences?
– What are the things that you are trying to own that cannot be owned this year?
I am thinking about that last one because there was a certain experience that I have always wanted to do as a family, so we brought it up to our kids this year and they did not want to do it. I did not understand why not because I wanted us to have this experience together but then I said to myself “If they do not want it, why am I trying to force this? If they are content and happier with this other experience that we have always done, let’s just stick with that and not force them to do something else.”
I was tempted to feel sad, sorry, and lonely but the Lord reminded me that I am not emotionally responsible for other people's experiences or whether or not they want to do something. I am responsible for being me and I know that as moms, we put so much time and energy into the things we plan for our families. But we have to understand when maybe this is not going to work for them. So understanding what we are emotionally responsible for and what we are not emotionally responsible for is so important when it comes to the holidays.
Another important thing to consider is what we are able to control. We are in control of our mindset, our decisions, our actions, and yes – our schedule. We are the ones who create our schedules. There have been several times when I have over-scheduled myself and I have come to my husband and said “Oh I am so busy and have so much going on” and he said, “Well, who put together that schedule? Did you put it together?” And I had to admit he was right.
There are moments when we need to say “yes,” even when it is not our first choice. Life is not just about our preferences, it is about being together, serving the Lord, and embracing what we are called to do. That said, it is important to be mindful of finding the right balance. We cannot let ourselves get caught up in FOMO or the endless list of “shoulds” that can leave us feeling overwhelmed and emotionally drained. Only you and God can discern the balance that works for you. There is freedom in recognizing that some things do not need to happen this year – and that is okay.
Of course, there are also things we cannot control no matter how much we plan or prepare. Holiday activities, others’ opinions or expectations, and family dynamics are often out of our hands. We cannot control how someone else might respond and we cannot change external factors like a snowstorm that delays travel – that is the part that we just have to understand and accept going into this.
[21:33] The Three-Part Plan You Can Use to Be Emotionally Confident Through The Holidays
So how can we put together this plan to help ourselves be emotionally confident through the holidays? Grab your journal so you can follow along as I share this three-part plan. This is something that we are doing this month in the Emotional Confidence Club. In this community membership about helping women learn practical skills to manage difficult feelings in everyday life, each month we have a theme related to managing emotions. Our theme for November was managing emotions through the holidays. We talked about this and each of the women has laid out a plan and although I cannot give you all of that here, I still want you to have a framework available to you. If you are interested in joining the Emotional Confidence Club, DM me on Instagram to learn more.
The first part of the plan is to identify known emotional triggers and create an in-the-moment plan to address them. These triggers could include people, situations, circumstances, or everyday activities like buying groceries, doing laundry, or attending sports practices. How can you minimize overwhelm in these scenarios? What boundaries might you need to establish? How can you adjust plans to align with what is truly happening in your life right now? For instance, if a loved one is undergoing chemotherapy or another life-altering event, your holiday approach might look different this year. Reflect on these triggers and think about ways to address them.
The second part of the plan focuses on providing extra support for your emotional stability – a simple, manageable maintenance plan for everyday calm. This is not about starting an intense new regimen or putting more pressure on yourself, like committing to 50 squats a day or drastically changing your diet. Instead, think about tried-and-true practices that you know help you feel emotionally balanced. Here are some basic places to start:
– Sleep: Make it a priority to get as close to eight hours as possible each night.
– Hydration: Drinking enough water can significantly impact emotional stability.
– Balanced nutrition: Monitor blood sugar and caffeine levels to avoid mood swings.
The goal is not perfection or deprivation, it is about adopting small, sustainable habits that support you. For more actionable ideas, my book Emotional Confidence offers practical strategies to help build that stability during challenging times.
Then lastly, identify and cultivate the emotions that you want to experience this holiday season like gratitude, contentment, peace, expectancy, and joy. What activities and mindsets can help you say, “If I do that, then it really will help my family and I to cultivate this feeling into our holiday season.” Then we can look at the activities and things that are going to take away from this. How can we limit those or put boundaries around them?
[26:10] Want More Practical Tools to Help You Through Holiday Stress? Grab Your Copy of Emotional Confidence Today!
I pray this becomes a tool you can return to year after year. If you have found it helpful, I encourage you to share it with others – we want more people to learn how to navigate their emotions in every situation. There are powerful, practical tools grounded in both science and Scripture that go beyond simply saying, “Give it to God,” or pushing feelings aside. It is not about ignoring emotions or distracting ourselves, it is about learning actionable strategies to manage them. I hope today’s episode gave you some examples of how to do that.
I would also love for you to share Emotional Confidence with someone who might benefit from it. It is a great resource, especially during the holiday season when we often have extra time. This could be the perfect opportunity to reflect, dig into some of these ideas, and start thinking about changes we want to make in the coming year. Let’s support one another during this season. I appreciate all of you and your support means the world to me. I am grateful for you every day, but especially during the holiday season!
RESOURCES:
Tired of up-and-down feelings stealing your peace, sabotaging your relationships, and filling your mind with self-defeating thoughts? If so, make sure to get my new book, “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture”.
Discover simple, practical ways to manage your emotions using science and Scripture.
Read the first chapter of Emotional Confidence – for free!
RELATED EPISODES:
276: Emotional Prep: How to Find Calm First So You Can Process Your Feelings
282: Emotional Responsibility: How to Stop Owning Other’s Feelings + Take Charge of Your Own
