276: Emotional Prep: How to Find Calm First So You Can Process Your Feelings
Last Updated on October 3, 2024 by Alicia Michelle
Ever feel like your emotions take over and you find yourself wondering why you reacted the way you did? Today I want to introduce you to something I call “emotional prep” which can help you calm your emotions, build emotional confidence, and find calm within the chaos so you can move from a sympathetic to a parasympathetic state.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
[01:58] Why is it Challenging to Process Our Emotions in The Moment?
[04:14] Have You Ever Wanted to Have a Different Emotional Reaction or Thought “I Should Have Said __” After The Fact?
[07:42] God Has Given Us The Ability to Switch Between Two Operating Systems – Fight or Flight and Rest & Digest
[11:13] Emotional Prep Tools For Our Physical Self
[15:05] Emotional Prep Tools For Our Spiritual Self
[18:04] Emotional Prep Tools For Our Intellectual Self
[19:27] What Are Some Tools That Calm Your Emotions? If You Want More Ways to Find Calm, Join The Book Launch Team for Emotional Confidence!
[01:58] Why is it Challenging to Process Our Emotions in The Moment?
In episode 275, “How Can I Name What I’m Feeling (When My Emotions Feel So Overwhelming)?“, we discussed the concept of the emotional iceberg. I shared how there is an emotion that we can see above the water and also the ones underneath that may have more memories or other difficult concepts attached to it. When we are processing these emotional icebergs, it is important to do something BEFORE we get into the processing – this is where emotional prep comes in.
If you have ever tried to process an emotion in the moment, you know how difficult it is to do so. This is because our logical mind is not online and our emotional brain takes over. We think of this as the “fight or flight” mode of the amygdala, but it is technically the entire sympathetic nervous system that is engaged. It is not just our brain that is firing, our entire body is responding. It is a defense mechanism where blood goes to our extremities so our muscles can move and take us where we need to go. And when we are in that state, we are not working from the logical mind which is why we cannot process in that way.
[04:14] Have You Ever Wanted to Have a Different Emotional Reaction or Thought “I Should Have Said __” After The Fact?
I want to share a personal story that kind of exemplifies what we are talking about. A few years ago, I was in the carpool lane with my daughter dropping off my youngest son. This area was also a parking lot so people were pulling in and out. As I was sitting in line, the car in front of me quickly started to back up and was about to back into me. I looked to see if anyone was behind me and just as I was in the clear and backing up, a mom and her daughter decided to walk behind my van. She started yelling and screaming at me and my reaction at the moment was to shut down and say “I’m sorry” because of past experiences. Thankfully no one got hurt and nothing happened but as I was driving away, I moved out of survival mode, and back into my logical brain I started talking about it with my daughter. We were both wondering why she walked behind my big minivan and not in front of us where I could see her.
I started to think “I should have said this, I should have told her that”, all of these things that happen after an emotional moment has passed. I share this story to say that we often have these moments where we want to beat ourselves up because of what we should have said and how we wanted to have a different reaction in the moment, but this is not possible. When we are in this emotional reaction, our entire system is operating from this “defensive mode” and it is not able to respond as adequately as we would like in the moment. Now that does not mean we cannot respond logically but more often than not, it is not as easy to do so.
[07:42] God Has Given Us The Ability to Switch Between Two Operating Systems – Fight or Flight and Rest & Digest
The great news about all of this is that God has not only given us these two ways of responding in our nervous system, but he has also given us the ability to switch between fight or flight and rest & digest. When we are in the “parasympathetic state” we can get our logical system back online. If you have ever been in an argument with someone and you feel your emotions building up, I want to introduce you to emotional prep. This can help you move from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic state so you can see what is logically going on while also bringing God’s truth into it.
There are three steps that I teach in my new book Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture called ADD (Acknowledge, Discern, and Decide) – which I will be talking a bit more about over the next few podcast episodes. When we are able to move our mind, brain, and entire body into the parasympathetic state, we can respond how we want to. I want to teach you this method of processing your emotions with God in a way that honors the emotion and also helps us to know what to do in light of biblical truth.
I do want to say that the reality is, that even this method is not going to be super helpful if we cannot first learn how to switch out of our emotional mind into our logical mind. God made it so that we are able to help our bodies switch into the parasympathetic (the rest and digest state), so that we can calm down and logically process. There are certain parts of our physical body, our spiritual body, and our intellectual selves that we can engage to help us do this. These are the tools within “emotional prep” and I cover 16 different ones in Emotional Confidence. I encourage you to use these and see which ones work for you!
[11:13] Emotional Prep Tools For Our Physical Self
One tool that we can use for our physical self is deep breathing. There is a technique called box breathing where you:
-Breathe in for four
-Hold it for four
-Breathe out for four
-Hold it for four
And you go through that cycle four or five times to allow your brain to move into the parasympathetic nervous system. I read a report that said this breathing pattern “recalibrates” our brains back to where they need to be. Breathing in this way can help us to calm down and can make a huge difference in how we feel.
Another tool you can use to turn on the parasympathetic nervous system for your physical self is a weighted blanket. The concept is that the pressure added onto us by putting on a heavy blanket can bring a calming effect. I know that when anyone in my family is going through a stressful time, weighted blankets help us relax and sleep better. One of our kids has some special needs and I have seen studies that people who struggle with additional health issues can really benefit from weighted blankets. We found that this helps him to calm down and it is almost like getting a big hug.
Tapping is another effective tool for calming the body. It involves applying pressure to specific trigger points, sending signals to the brain and body to relax, similar to acupuncture but using your fingers instead of needles. There are various tapping techniques available, and you can easily find more information online. While many apps offer guidance, not all are Christian-based, but you may find one that aligns with your values. Tapping is a versatile method you can use anytime, anywhere to help calm your emotions.
[15:05] Emotional Prep Tools For Our Spiritual Self
In terms of emotional prep for our spiritual self, there are a ton of ways we can engage our spiritual side. Thankfully as Christians, we have the Holy spirit inside of us to remind us of God's peace, His calm, and the ways He has worked in the past. Meditating on scripture is also powerful and I have a resource called Christian Meditations for Daily Calm that many people have used to help them get their minds focused on the truth of who they are in God. The meditations are anywhere from 5-8 minutes long and there are also visualizations included.
Visualization can be very helpful in calming your body. One of the things that I did when I was in labor for all four of my kids, is I visualized myself next to a waterfall. As I was in labor pains, I imagined that I was sitting there with the Lord. This helped center me and prevented the labor pains from taking over. I had a natural childbirth for 3 of my children and this is one technique that helped me stay calm. I know how easy it can be to freak out when the pain is increasing so visualization can help us tap into the parasympathetic nervous system.
[18:04] Emotional Prep Tools For Our Intellectual Self
Engaging our intellectual self can help shift the brain out of fight-or-flight mode and activate the parasympathetic response. For example, if you're bilingual, translating something into another language can refocus your brain. You can also try counting backward by twos or doing any task that requires extra mental effort. Some people find that flicking a rubber band on their wrist helps redirect the brain from its reactive state to something more calming.
[19:27] What Are Some Tools That Calm Your Emotions? If You Want More Ways to Find Calm, Join The Book Launch Team for Emotional Confidence!
As I said earlier, in Emotional Confidence we cover 16 or more tools that you can use to turn on the parasympathetic nervous system. I encourage you to keep a running list of ways that work for you and I would love to hear them – you can reach out to me on Instagram to let me know. If this is interesting to you, I highly encourage you to check out Emotional Confidence. Here is how you can do it:
1. You can preorder it wherever books are sold and they will automatically send it to you the day it launches
2. You can Join The Book Launch Team
If you want to join the book launch team, it is simple and all you have to do is:
-Pre-order Emotional Confidence on Amazon
-Share about the book in some capacity whether that is on social media or with a friend
-Once the book is live, write a review on Amazon or Goodreads
In return, book launch team members get an early-reader copy of the book plus other exclusive bonuses! This book can bring a big transformation in how you get yourself back into the parasympathetic state, so grab a copy of Emotional Confidence to learn some of these tools and get connected with Christ in this awesome way!
RESOURCES:
Tired of up-and-down feelings stealing your peace, sabotaging your relationships, and filling your mind with self-defeating thoughts? If so, make sure to join the launch team for my new book, “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture”, coming November 12th!
Need a simple, biblical way to manage overwhelm + stress? Christian meditation is a scientifically proven tool to soothe the nerves + connect with God to restore the soul. Get my Christian Meditations for Daily Calm resource to help you bring more calm into your life.
RELATED EPISODES:
271: (New Book!) Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science + Scripture
272: Healing from the Shame of Unprocessed Emotions in Your Life and Relationships
273: Overcome the Fear of Managing Emotions with 4 Empowering Truths
274: Are Emotions Sinful? How Can We Honor Emotions While Also Honoring Biblical Truth?
275: How Can I Name What I’m Feeling (When My Emotions Feel So Overwhelming)?
