314: The Disappointments We Carry in Motherhood + Marriage (But Don’t Talk About)
You’re showing up for your family and doing the “right things”… but inside, there’s a quiet grief—an ache you can’t quite name. Today we’re naming the hidden disappointments that creep into our roles as moms and wives and exploring how to heal them through honest reflection, emotional clarity and God’s grace. This is the conversation we rarely have—but desperately need.
What You’ll Learn:
- [00:00] Could the Exhaustion You Feel Be Disappointment In Disguise?
- [04:00] What Happens When Guilt Keeps You From Receiving Rest or Connection?
- [06:00] Are Impossible Expectations Silently Shaping How You See Yourself As A Mom?
- [08:00] What Does Disappointment Sound Like In Marriage—And Why Don’t We Talk About It?
- [11:00] Why “Taking Responsibility” Can Become A Trap For Self-Blame
- [13:00] Are You Living Under Grace—Or Secretly Trying To Earn Your Worth?
- [15:00] How Childhood Beliefs About Emotions And Roles Still Shape Your Inner Critic
- [17:00] What Changes When We Start Talking Honestly About Our Disappointments At Home?
- [20:00] How Naming Your Hidden Hurts Opens The Door To Emotional Healing
- [21:00] What Kind Of Support Do You Really Need When You’re Carrying Quiet Grief?
[00:00] Could the exhaustion you feel be disappointment in disguise?
What if the fatigue you’re feeling isn’t always from doing too much, but instead, it’s from feeling too much, and never having space to process it?
Many women carry invisible grief around what motherhood or marriage should have been, but wasn’t.
That grief wears down the body, erodes joy, and shows up in emotions like numbness, burnout, or sudden outbursts.
Before you blame your schedule or hormones, ask: Is disappointment what’s really weighing me down?
[04:00] What happens when guilt keeps you from receiving rest or connection?
Somewhere along the way, we picked up a lie: that needing rest means we’re weak. Or that asking for help in our marriages makes us selfish.
This kind of thinking puts our needs in direct opposition to our worth. But God designed rest as restoration, not reward. When guilt stops us from receiving rest or honest connection, disappointment sets in—and festers.
[06:00] Are impossible expectations silently shaping how you see yourself as a mom?
Motherhood comes with a tidal wave of unspoken rules: “Be joyful, be patient, be enough for everyone, always.”
When reality doesn’t match that ideal, disappointment creeps in. Not just with our kids or our circumstances, but with ourselves. And that disappointment often turns inward as shame.
But God never asked you to be a perfect mom. He asked you to be a present one. Recognizing the impossible standards is the first step toward releasing them.
[08:00] What does disappointment sound like in marriage—and why don’t we talk about it?
Sometimes disappointment sounds like silence. Or like “I’m fine.” Or like, “I just need to get through this week.” When there’s a gap between what we long for in connection and what we actually experience, we often carry that gap alone.
Disappointment in marriage can build slowly and quietly—until one day, it feels like a wall. And instead of saying, “I’m hurt,” we start saying, “Why even bother?” But naming the need is not weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s the beginning of healing.
[11:00] Why “taking responsibility” can become a trap for self-blame
Many of us learned to cope by “being the strong one.” We tell ourselves: If I just fix this, if I just work harder, if I just stay quiet—it will all be okay.
But over-functioning turns emotional disappointment into personal failure. We start to believe we are the problem. God calls us to be wise stewards of our hearts, not to carry burdens that aren’t ours to hold.
[13:00] Are you living under grace, or secretly trying to earn your worth?
Disappointment and striving often go hand-in-hand. When we don’t see the outcomes we hoped for, kids behaving, husbands noticing, prayers answered—we double down. We do more, try harder, love louder.
But deep down, we’re not living from grace—we’re trying to earn it. God’s love isn’t dependent on our effort. The cross has already proved your worth.
[15:00] How childhood beliefs about emotions and roles still shape your inner critic
Your current reaction might have roots in an old script. Were you told to “get over it” as a kid? Did you grow up believing anger was wrong, or that emotions made you weak? Those early beliefs can still echo in your adult mind, especially in moments of disappointment.
Becoming aware of those internal messages helps you choose a new response grounded in truth.
[17:00] What changes when we start talking honestly about our disappointments at home?
Bringing disappointment into the light doesn’t make us broken; it makes us brave. When we give voice to the gap between expectation and reality, we open the door for intimacy. Whether it’s telling your spouse, “I miss you,” or journaling the ache of not being seen, that honesty invites healing. You don’t have to pretend everything’s okay to be okay.
[20:00] How naming your hidden hurts opens the door to emotional healing
Disappointment can live in the body like stress. Tense shoulders. A knotted stomach. Shallow breath. When you name what hurts, you give your nervous system permission to release it.
That naming, paired with compassionate curiosity, shifts everything. Instead of spiraling in irritation or numbness, you start responding from a grounded place. You begin to heal.
[21:00] What kind of support do you really need when you’re carrying quiet grief?
You don’t need a lecture or another podcast telling you to “try harder.” You need space. Safe space. Spirit-led, truth-filled space.
Inside the Emotional Confidence Club, we walk through tools like the A.D.D. Method, journaling prompts, and Scripture-based mind renewal—all in community with other women who get it.
Disappointment doesn't have to be the end of your story. It can be the place where healing begins. Join us now in the Emotional Confidence Club.
RESOURCES:
6-WEEK LIVE STUDY with ALICIA in JULY/AUGUST 2025 on DISAPPOINTMENT:
Ready for healing from disappointment in marriage, mothering, career and more?
Join me in July/August 2025 in the Emotional Confidence Club where I'll be leading ladies through a 6-week process of noticing disappointments, processing the honest feelings behind it, and applying what we learn to everyday relationships.
Go to AliciaMichelle.com/club to apply and join us.
