315: Are You Disappointed Because of Unrealistic Expectations?
We all carry expectations of our spouse, our kids, and our faith journey. What happens when those expectations go unspoken… or unmet? In this episode, we’re uncovering how hidden assumptions lead to emotional disappointment and what it really means to align our expectations with grace, truth, and God’s timing. If you’ve been frustrated, resentful, or just tired of carrying the weight of what “should” be, this episode is your invitation to let go and find peace.

What You’ll Learn:
- [00:00] Could Hidden Expectations Be the Root of Your Emotional Exhaustion?
- [03:00] What Are Unrealistic Expectations?
- [05:00] What Happens When Fantasy Versions of Others Distort Real Relationships?
- [07:00] Could “Prince Charming” Be Sabotaging Your Marriage Connection?
- [10:00] What Should I Expect From My Child—And Where Does It Become Unhealthy?
- [12:00] 5 Questions to Identify If an Expectation Is Quietly Becoming Toxic
- [15:00] Are You Expecting Someone to Meet a Need Only God Can Fill?
- [16:00] What Does Healthy Surrender Look Like When Reality Doesn’t Match Expectation?
[00:00] Could Hidden Expectations Be the Root of Your Emotional Exhaustion?
Exhaustion isn’t always about how much you’re doing. Sometimes it’s the emotional burden of trying to hold things together—trying to stay hopeful, waiting for someone to change, or longing for something to happen—and feeling like you’re the only one carrying that weight.
If you’ve ever felt let down by someone and didn’t even realize you had expectations until they weren’t met, you’re not alone. Expectations shape how we think, feel, and interact. When they remain hidden, they quietly become the root of resentment, frustration, and disappointment.
[03:00] What Are Unrealistic Expectations?
Hope is grounded in faith, in God’s timing, and in surrender. But expectations are often grounded in control. We believe something should happen a certain way, and when it doesn’t, we feel entitled to our disappointment.
Scripture reminds us in Proverbs 13:12 that “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Unmet expectations bring pain, especially when we confuse our timelines or assumptions with God's promises.
Unlike hope, expectations often have a deadline and an emotional payoff attached. And when those things don’t arrive, it’s easy for us to spiral.
[05:00] What Happens When Fantasy Versions of Others Distort Real Relationships?
Many of us live in the tension between who someone is and who we thought they would be. Whether it’s a friend, spouse, child, or even ourselves, we sometimes relate to the fantasy version of a person instead of the real one in front of us.
This disconnect creates constant disappointment because the real person can never live up to an idealized, unspoken standard. It’s not that we shouldn’t desire growth or hope for change, but when our emotional security hinges on someone being different, we’ve crossed into dangerous territory.
[07:00] Could “Prince Charming” Be Sabotaging Your Marriage Connection?
Cultural stories plant powerful ideas. Many women grew up hearing they’d be rescued by a man who would intuitively meet their emotional needs and make life easier. But when husbands fall short of those fairy tale roles, it’s easy to feel let down, frustrated, or even rejected.
I share my story in this episode of how, in the early days of my marriage, I was comparing my husband to an idealized “Prince Charming” that my expectations had concocted. This left me continually disappointed and so frustrated. How many of us also create these “fantasy” versions of our husbands that he’ll never be able to live up to?
The truth is, no one can meet all your emotional needs. Not your husband, not your kids, not your friends.
That disappointment you feel in your marriage? It might not be about him at all—it might be about what you thought marriage was “supposed” to be.
[10:00] What Should I Expect From My Child—And Where Does It Become Unhealthy?
Expecting obedience, respect, or cooperation from our kids is normal and healthy. But sometimes our expectations reflect our own anxiety, control issues, or unmet emotional needs.
If you’ve ever snapped at your child for a “small” thing and later wondered why it triggered you so deeply, check the expectation beneath it. Was it about wanting peace at all costs? Was it about being seen as a good mom? It’s so easy for our own pride and expectations to distort how we view our children.
Unrealistic expectations often show up in subtle, everyday ways—and they distort how we see our kids and ourselves.
[12:00] 5 Questions to Identify If an Expectation Is Quietly Becoming Toxic
If you’re unsure whether an expectation is healthy or not, ask yourself:
- Is this expectation realistic for this person?
- Is it based on who they actually are or who I wish they were?
- Is it consistent with what they’ve shown me in the past?
- Is this expectation coming from a place of fear, pain, or past hurt?
- Am I expecting them to meet a need only God can fill?”
These reflection questions aren’t about shaming yourself. They’re about clarifying the emotional expectations that may be weighing down your relationships and giving you a way to bring those burdens to God.
[15:00] Are You Expecting Someone to Meet a Need Only God Can Fill?
Sometimes we treat people like gods, expecting them to rescue, comfort, or redeem us. But people weren’t made to carry that weight.
When disappointment keeps repeating in your relationships, ask yourself: Am I asking them to meet a spiritual need with a human response?
Only God can hold all your emotions, understand every wound, and meet every longing. Psalm 62:5 reminds us, “Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.” That’s where true fulfillment starts.
[16:00] What Does Healthy Surrender Look Like When Reality Doesn’t Match Expectation?
Unrealistic expectations often grow from pain we haven’t acknowledged. That pain leads to disappointment, but the pain itself isn’t the problem. It’s a signal.
When we pause to ask, What is the real hurt behind this unmet expectation? We begin to shift from reacting to healing. Surrender in this context means facing that hurt honestly, without judgment, and letting God lead us to a healthier way of coping.
Healing from expectation is not about ignoring pain, it’s about responding to it with truth, compassion, and trust in God’s timing.
RESOURCES:
6-WEEK LIVE STUDY with ALICIA in JULY/AUGUST 2025 on DISAPPOINTMENT:
Ready for healing from disappointment in marriage, mothering, career and more?
Join me in July/August 2025 in the Emotional Confidence Club where I'll be leading ladies through a 6-week process of noticing disappointments, processing the honest feelings behind it, and applying what we learn to everyday relationships.
Go to AliciaMichelle.com/club to apply and join us.