320: Stop “Feeling” Anxious and Do Something About It with Robyn Graham
Is what you’re feeling really anxiety—or just discomfort? In this powerful conversation, Alicia and Dr. Robyn Graham unpack how to identify the roots of anxiety, support our kids through their emotions, and respond with spiritual wisdom and practical tools. This episode brings clarity to confusing feelings and gives you a grounded path forward through faith, neuroscience, and emotional truth.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
[00:00] Is What You’re Feeling Actually Anxiety or Just Nervousness?
[05:00] Could Generational Trauma Be the Root of Your Anxiety?
[07:00] What Happens When We Normalize Anxiety in Our Identity?
[10:00] What Should You Do When You See Anxiety Patterns in Your Kids?
[13:00] How Can You Tell If It’s Nervousness or a Clinical Issue?
[15:00] Why Well-Meaning Parents Sometimes Shame Anxious Kids
[18:00] What Truths from Scripture Can Anchor You When Fear Shows Up?
[20:00] How Can You Thrive, Not Just Survive, with Anxiety?
[00:00] Is What You’re Feeling Actually Anxiety or Just Nervousness?
Not every emotional reaction is anxiety. Sometimes it’s simply nervousness, a fleeting, situational feeling that doesn’t persist or hijack your daily life. But when fear of uncertainty becomes constant and interferes with your thoughts or behavior, it might be clinical anxiety.
Robyn reminds us how quickly culture and our own internal dialogue can label ordinary emotions as dysfunction. That mislabeling can keep us stuck. Identifying the difference empowers us to respond instead of spiraling.
[05:00] Could Generational Trauma Be the Root of Your Anxiety?
What if your anxiety isn’t only about what you’ve experienced, but what was passed down?
Robyn discusses how our parents’ and grandparents’ unprocessed trauma can influence how we handle uncertainty, stress, and emotion. Even if they never said “I’m anxious,” their behaviors may have communicated fear or control.
Becoming aware of these inherited patterns helps you shift from reacting to responding—and create a new emotional legacy for yourself and your family.
[07:00] What Happens When We Normalize Anxiety in Our Identity?
Saying “I have anxiety” is different from saying “I am anxious,” Robyn says. “One is a condition you’re working through, while the other is an identity you’ve adopted.”
Robyn encourages us to reframe how we talk about ourselves because words have power. When anxiety becomes part of your self-definition, it becomes harder to release. We can feel anxiety and honor it as real without labeling ourselves as anxious people.
This small shift detaches the emotion of anxiety (which, like any emotion, is always changing) from our true identity in Christ (which never changes). Instead, we can think of anxiety this way: I can feel anxious, but I am still defined as God’s beloved, and I am not broken.
[10:00] What Should You Do When You See Anxiety Patterns in Your Kids?
If you’ve noticed anxious habits in your children, your first instinct might be to fix it or shut it down. But that approach can cause more shame than support. Robyn shares why creating emotional safety is key. When kids feel heard, not dismissed, they can process emotions with confidence instead of hiding or overreacting, she says.
Instead, she encourages parents to ask curious questions, listen with empathy and model calm. These small steps can help your child and yourself build long-term resilience.
[13:00] How Can You Tell If It’s Nervousness or a Clinical Issue?
Everyone feels nervous from time to time, but clinical anxiety presents differently. It’s persistent, often irrational, and it impacts how you function. Robyn outlines how clinical anxiety might include excessive rumination, paralyzing worry, or chronic physical symptoms like headaches or digestive issues.
Identifying these patterns isn’t meant to bring shame; it’s an invitation to seek help. Anxiety doesn’t define you, but it does deserve your attention and compassion, she says.
[15:00] Why Well-Meaning Parents Sometimes Shame Anxious Kids
Parents often want to protect their kids from emotional pain. But when they respond with statements like “Get over it” or “You’re being dramatic,” they may unintentionally teach kids that their emotions are wrong.
Robyn emphasizes the importance of validating feelings without amplifying fear. She argues that a calm, grounded response communicates: “You’re safe. I’m here. You’re not alone.” Alicia agrees that’s this safety and connection is one way that we can model emotional confidence to our children through big emotions.
[18:00] What Truths from Scripture Can Anchor You When Fear Shows Up?
God’s Word offers clear, practical truth for anxious hearts. Scripture reminds us that fear does not have the final word and that peace is possible, even in the midst of uncertainty. When anxiety strikes, these verses are powerful anchors:
- 2 Timothy 1:7 — “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
- Philippians 4:6-7 — “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
- Isaiah 41:10 — “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
These truths don't deny anxiety, they redirect it toward God’s strength and peace.
[20:00] How Can You Thrive, Not Just Survive, with Anxiety?
You don’t have to settle for coping. You can grow stronger, wiser, and more anchored through your anxiety, not in spite of it.
Robyn describes thriving with anxiety as learning how to live fully even when fear shows up. She explains that this looks like using breathwork to regulate your nervous system, leaning into Scripture to renew your thoughts, and giving yourself grace to take the next right step. Through faith, mindset shifts, and strategic support, anxiety becomes something you walk through, not something that defines your life.
JOIN THE EMOTIONAL CONFIDENCE CLUB:
Want practical help learning to manage your emotions better? Join us in Alicia’s Emotional Confidence Club!
We’re a Christ-centered community of women learning to process everyday emotions—like disappointment, overwhelm, and shame—using a science-and-Scripture-based roadmap that makes emotional healing practical, powerful, and personal.
Every 6 weeks, we welcome new members and focus on a new topic.
Apply now to join us at AliciaMichelle.com/club.
RELATED EPISODES:
Ep 312: What to Do When You Can’t Stop Crying, Snapping, or Shutting Down
Ep 244: You Can Have a Different Response to Fear and Anxiety
