353: Mom Anger: Finding Hope + Healing from the Shame with Elizabeth Andreyevskiy
Struggling with mom anger and feeling ashamed of how you react to your kids? You’re not alone. Every mom I’ve ever met (including me!) has struggled with mom anger to some degree in various seasons of their motherhood. How can we manage these overwhelming feelings in a way that offers both understanding for the emotions and practical solutions to stop the tension?
In this honest conversation, anger management coach Elizabeth Andreyevskiy shares her personal story of explosive mom rage, the shame that followed, and how God led her toward healing.
Learn what’s really underneath reactive anger, how overwhelming sensory stimulation (hello early parenting years!) fuel anger, and practical steps to respond with more calm, patience, and hope in Christian motherhood.
This is definitely an episode to share with another mom friend who struggles here!
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
[00:00] The Quiet Shame Behind Mom Anger in Christian Motherhood
[05:00] Elizabeth’s Story: Her Breaking Point With Rage and Mom Anger
[10:00] Is Anger a Spiritual Problem, or Is There More Going On?
[14:00] What Emotions Are Really Underneath Mom Anger?
[18:00] When Overstimulation and Nervous System Stress Fuel Manage Angry Emotions
[23:00] How Mindset Shapes the Way You Show Up With Your Kids
[27:00] What Practical Habits Actually Reduce Anger and Reactivity?
[31:00] Why There Is Hope for Mom Anger (You Can Find Freedom!)
[00:00] The Quiet Shame Behind Mom Anger in Christian Motherhood
Mom anger carries a unique layer of shame, especially in Christian spaces.
We know we’re called to be patient, loving and self-controlled as Christian moms. So when explosive anger shows up, it doesn’t just feel like a bad moment, it feels like a spiritual failure.
Elizabeth shares how she was able to “plaster on a smile” in public while privately feeling frustrated, reactive, and deeply ashamed. And that contrast of “looking fine on the outside while struggling inside” is something so many Christian moms live with silently, she shares.
If you’ve ever thought, “What is wrong with me? Why do I get so upset with my kids when I know I’m supposed to respond with calm?” You’re not alone.
Shame thrives in secrecy. And healing begins with honesty. This conversation’s goal is to bring mom anger out of the shadows so that we can break free from the stigma and find new ways to deal with the tension.
[05:00] Elizabeth’s Story: Her Breaking Point With Rage and Mom Anger
Elizabeth vulnerably shares the moment she experienced out-of-control rage after her second child was born, a season marked by colic, sleep deprivation, and exhaustion.
She describes feeling like something “came over” her, not an out-of-body experience, but a level of fury that scared her.
And then came the remorse. The shame. The fear of being found out. The self-condemnation.
What’s powerful here is not the story of failure, it’s the story of awareness. Because she later recognized that those explosive moments weren’t random. They were signals.
Her baseline had shifted to irritated and depleted. She was waking up already at capacity.
[10:00] Is Anger a Spiritual Problem. or Is There More Going On?
One of the most misunderstood parts of mom anger, especially in Christian circles, is the belief that it’s purely spiritual.
Elizabeth shares that Christian moms are encouraged to “Pray more. Read your Bible more. Try harder.” And she gently challenges that narrative.
Yes, there is a spiritual component, she says. But anger is rarely only a spiritual issue.
She explains that sometimes it’s sleep deprivation. Sometimes it’s overstimulation. Sometimes it’s a nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight. Sometimes it’s unmet physical needs.
She shares the quote: “Sometimes anger is not a spiritual problem. Sometimes you just need some sleep.”
That doesn’t minimize holiness. It acknowledges the humanity of dealing with challenging parenting responsibilities day after day, often without any support or relief.
If you are a Christian mom, it’s important to acknowledge that God created you with limits. Ignoring these limits doesn’t make you more faithful. It makes you more depleted.
[14:00] What Emotions Are Really Underneath Mom Anger?
Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that its often masking emotions hidden “under the surface”.
Elizabeth names several root emotions she sees underneath explosive reactions:
- Fear (of failure, loss of control, something bad happening)
- Hurt (feeling dismissed, unloved, unseen)
- Shame and guilt
- Overwhelm
- Loneliness
- Disappointment from unmet expectations
- Insecurity and inadequacy
Anger often steps in as a protector or an easy line of defense.
Because anger feels more powerful than helplessness or shame (and it’s often the first emotion we reach for when we’re frustrated), anger is quick to rise up and to be expressed.
But when we only fight the anger, we miss the real wound underneath. We have to address not just the anger itself but the potential fuel behind the anger rooted in related emotions.
[18:00] When Overstimulation and Nervous System Stress Fuel Manage Angry Emotions
When your nervous system is operating at a 9 out of 10 all day long, it takes very little to push you into reactivity.
Things like spilled milk, a child resisting his bedtime, or sibling conflict can become easy triggers for stored anger.
If you’re already maxed out, the smallest trigger feels enormous. “You cannot expect calm responses from a chronically overwhelmed nervous system,” Elizabeth reminds us.
[23:00] How Mindset Shapes the Way You Show Up With Your Kids
Elizabeth shares how she shifted from labeling herself as “an angry mom” to intentionally choosing identity statements rooted in who she wanted to become, such as: “I am lighthearted and playful with my kids in the circumstances I am given.”
That statement didn’t ignore difficulty. It redirected focus and gave new ways for Elizabeth to see the situation.
When a toddler resists pajamas, Elizabeth explains that you can escalate, force compliance, and raise your voice. Or, instead, you can shift your tone…perhaps tickle, distract and play.
The situation may not change. But your response can, she says.
[27:00] What Practical Habits Actually Reduce Reactivity?
Elizabeth shares concrete habits that dramatically lowered her reactivity, such as:
- Waking before her children to ground herself spiritually and emotionally
- Communicating expectations with her kids about that quiet time
- Turning off phone notifications
- Deleting social media from her phone
- Going to bed earlier instead of scrolling
One quote she shares powerfully reframes the importance of rest, especially for moms struggling with anger due to chronic depletion. She explains: “Instead of asking yourself, ‘Did I do enough to deserve rest?’ ask, ‘Did I rest enough to do my best work?’”
When you see rest not as a reward but as preparation for excellence in your role as a mom, that shifts perspectives and allows rest to be an essential element in your lifestyle.
[31:00] Why There is Hope for Mom Anger (You Can Find Freedom!)
If you feel trapped in reaction-regret cycles, Elizabeth wants you to hear this clearly: You are not a bad mom. You are an amazing mom having a hard time.
“Nothing has to change before you begin changing,” she says. “God can work in you right where you are.”
Elizabeth encourages us to consider that mom anger is not a life sentence, but a signal that change is needed for healing.
Connect with Elizabeth Andreyevskiy via her website at emotionallyhealthylegacy.com, or check out her podcast Emotionally Healthy Legacy wherever podcasts are streamed.
RELATED EPISODES:
Ep 341 — Step #1 to Calming Emotional Spirals: Notice + Name Your Feelings
Ep 342 — Help for Emotional Overreaction in Relationships
Ep 347 — When What You're Doing to Rest Isn’t Working: Living with Hidden Burnout + Exhaustion
