Ep 370: Learning to Tend Your Soul: Befriending the Hidden Parts of Your Heart with Dr. Alison Cook

Ever wonder why we can feel so alone, unseen or empty… even if we’ve spent our lives showing up for others? What if the parts of ourselves we’ve spent years trying to ignore are actually invitations to healing?

In this episode, I sit down with therapist and author Dr. Alison Cook to explore how understanding the different “parts” of your heart can help you experience deeper healing, greater emotional freedom, and a more secure relationship with God.

We talk about why certain situations trigger old emotions, how to respond to yourself with curiosity instead of shame, and why tending your soul is less about fixing yourself and more about learning to lovingly care for the hidden places God wants to heal.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN

[00:00] Why Some Emotional Reactions Make No Logical Sense

[06:00] Learning to Recognize the Different Parts of Your Heart

[13:00] Bringing Jesus Into the Younger Parts of Your Story

[16:00] Could Unhealed Parts of Your Heart Be Contributing to Loneliness?

[22:00] Why Curiosity Creates More Healing Than Self-Criticism

[29:00] Building Trust with the Hidden Parts of Yourself

[35:00] The Journey of Tending Your Soul with Jesus

[40:00] Taking the Next Step Toward Healing

[00:00] Why Some Emotional Reactions Make No Logical Sense

Have you ever wondered why you struggle to receive a compliment, suddenly feel anxious in certain situations, or react much more strongly than the moment seems to deserve?

Often those reactions aren't about what's happening today—they're connected to places in your heart that learned long ago how to protect you.

Dr. Alison Cook explains that these moments aren't signs that something is wrong with you. They're invitations to notice what's happening beneath the surface. Instead of pushing those reactions away, we can begin asking what they might be trying to tell us.

[06:00] Learning to Recognize the Different Parts of Your Heart

Have you ever reacted to something and immediately thought, Why did I respond that way? Maybe you received gentle feedback and suddenly felt like a little girl again. Or someone complimented you and you immediately brushed it aside. Dr. Alison Cook explains that these moments often aren't random—they're clues that a younger part of your story has been activated.

She describes these as different “parts” of our hearts. There may be a confident, capable part of you that handles work and responsibilities with ease, while another part still carries fear, rejection, loneliness, or shame from years ago. Rather than criticizing those reactions or pretending they aren't there, she encourages us to simply acknowledge them by saying: “It's not all of me, but it is a part of me.”

Dr. Cook also shares a beautiful picture of becoming the gardener of your own soul. God gives us the privilege of tending what's happening inside us. Some parts of our hearts are flourishing, while other places have become neglected or overgrown. Instead of judging those places, we can begin caring for them with God's help.

[13:00] Bringing Jesus Into the Younger Parts of Your Story

One of the most encouraging parts of this conversation is the reminder that Jesus wasn't absent from your story, even during the moments that hurt the most.

Dr. Cook explains that while we can't change what happened in our past, we can change how those experiences continue living inside us today. As we invite Jesus into those memories, He meets the younger parts of ourselves with compassion, truth, and healing instead of shame.

Alicia connects this beautifully with Psalm 139:23–24:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Rather than fearing what God might reveal, this prayer becomes an invitation to let Him gently uncover the places that still need His healing presence.

[16:00] Could Unhealed Parts of Your Heart Be Contributing to Loneliness?

We’ve recently shared about loneliness on other podcast episodes. Dr. Cook offers another perspective on the topic of loneliness. Sometimes loneliness isn't simply about needing more people in our lives, she says. Sometimes it's the younger parts of ourselves that have never fully felt seen, understood, or safe.

She explains that while healthy relationships matter deeply, no human being can completely satisfy our deepest longing to be fully known. As God begins healing those hidden places, we often discover that we're able to enjoy relationships differently—not because people have changed, but because we're no longer asking them to carry needs only God can fully meet.

[22:00] Why Curiosity Creates More Healing Than Self-Criticism

When difficult emotions surface, our instinct is often to fix them, explain them away, or criticize ourselves for having them. But healing begins when we replace judgment with curiosity.

Instead of asking, “What's wrong with me?” we can begin asking, “That's interesting…what's happening inside me right now?” Just as we would respond gently to a hurting child, we can learn to approach our own hearts with the same patience and compassion.

[29:00] Building Trust with the Hidden Parts of Yourself

Dr. Cook shares the idea of “bids for connection.” Marriage researchers often describe a bid as a small attempt to connect with another person. You can either notice it and respond, or ignore it.

She says the hidden parts of our hearts are constantly making those same bids.

They surface through anxiety, sadness, fear, frustration, or emotional reactions that seem larger than the situation itself. Instead of pushing those feelings away or judging ourselves for having them, we can begin responding with curiosity and compassion.

Over time, those younger parts begin learning that they're finally safe enough to be seen. Just like trust grows in any healthy relationship, trust grows within our own hearts as we consistently respond with gentleness instead of criticism.

[35:00] The Journey of Tending Your Soul with Jesus

Dr. Cook compares our souls to a vast wilderness filled with beautiful meadows, rugged mountains, and dark forests. Some places feel familiar and peaceful, while others hold pain we've avoided for years.

Jesus invites us to walk through every part of that landscape with Him. As we bring Him into each hidden corner of our hearts, we discover that even the darkest places can become places of healing, freedom, and abundant life.

[40:00] Taking the Next Step Toward Healing

Healing rarely happens all at once. Sometimes the first step is simply becoming aware of what God is bringing to the surface. Other times it means reading a helpful book, working with a coach or therapist, or inviting trusted people to walk alongside you.

Whatever your next step looks like, remember that God isn't revealing these hidden places to shame you. He's revealing them because He wants to bring healing, greater security, and a deeper relationship with Him.