283: How Can Managing Your Emotions Change Your Life?
We’re tying our series on managing emotions together with testimonials of how this powerful mindset work can truly transform your life and relationships. In this episode, I'll be opening up with personal stories and testimonials to show you how managing emotions can strengthen your relationships and create a more joyful life.
My book, Emotional Confidence officially launches tomorrow (11/12/24), and next week I will be sharing an audio from my book launch party, right here on the podcast – stay tuned!
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [00:33] Emotional Confidence Launches Tomorrow (and Big TARGET announcement!)
- [06:41] How Do Unprocessed Emotions Affect Us Overall?
- [08:44] My Story: How Learning to Manage Emotions Dramatically Changed My Life
- [18:17] 3 Testimonials That Show The Impact of Using The Book’s Emotional Management Tools
- [25:44] The Importance of Coming Up With a “Why” Statement For Managing Your Emotions
- [30:10] How is NOT Managing Your Emotions Stealing From You? Grab Your Copy of Emotional Confidence Today!
[00:33] Emotional Confidence Launches Tomorrow (and Big TARGET announcement!)
Emotional Confidence launches tomorrow and I am so excited because this has been years in the making. It’s brought up many emotions–thinking about my personal journey in living the principles of the book, about the journey I have been on with God throughout this book process, and about what He is planning on doing with it. I am so grateful that God has called me to do this work and I am praying so many blessings over these books and that whoever gets their hands on them gets to know not only how to manage their emotions, but gets to know God on a deeper level.
Big news: A few weeks ago, I heard from my publisher that my book is going to be in Target! This was something I was not aware of that God was working on behind the scenes. Target placed an order to put my book in 500 of their stores as part of a New Year's promotion on spirituality. It will be on an end cap with other books starting December 31, 2024.
I was shocked that I would be considered for something like this and as I was absorbing this news, I was first blown away by God but then I started to think about how many people this was going to affect. I have a heart for people who are maybe on the fringes of faith or who did not grow up in church or maybe did grow up in church and are kind of deconstructing their faith. There are a lot of people who would not go into a church but are curious about a relationship with Christ.
My book being in Target might impact a mom who is trying to decompress and ultimately sees my book and starts building a relationship with Christ. I am praying that these books in the 500 stores will have that effect on people. Could you do me a favor and pray with me for these divine moments? Please also pray for the books that will be available immediately in other outlets: on Amazon, in Barnes and Noble, other Christian booksellers, and Baker Book House starting November 12th.
And once you have read it, please leave a review on Goodreads or Amazon as this is one of the best things you can do to help promote the book and help other people find out about its message!
And again, please pray that this book will have a massive impact on every single person that it comes in contact with!
[06:41] How Do Unprocessed Emotions Affect Us Overall?
So how will managing emotions change your life? Why does this work matter? There are four big reasons why unprocessed emotions affect us.
First, not managing our emotions affects our relationships. It also affects our self-esteem and our ability to connect with God. This has been contributing to the loneliness epidemic. We are more lonely than ever even though technology has allowed us to become more connected than ever.
Unprocessed emotions also fester and build walls between us and God. If you want to learn more about these topics, make sure to check out episode 271: (New Book!) Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science + Scripture.
[08:44] My Story: How Learning to Manage Emotions Dramatically Changed My Life
Let me share my story of how doing this work transformed my life. For me, learning to process my emotions did not just impact my mindset, it changed my physical health.
In my book, I share what happened to me back in 2017, when my whole world came crashing down. I was hit with a massive medical crisis, all brought on by the fact that I had not been taking care of myself – and the root of that was my inability to process my emotions. I ignored them, shoved them down, and let them create a mess of toxic thoughts and false beliefs that kept me stuck in unhealthy patterns.
On the outside, I was juggling so much like homeschooling four kids, managing a household while my husband traveled for work, all while he had been out of work himself for 18 months. I was exhausted, but just kept going, wearing myself down, day after day. I was only sleeping four hours a night for years. My body was so wired from the drive to keep up with everything. Then, my body just gave out. I had two vertebral artery dissections and several mini-strokes, and I was forced to spend the next nine months lying on my back, completely dependent on blood thinners. I had to let go of everything – homeschooling, caring for my family, even basic things like cooking and taking care of my kids. I had to say goodbye to the work I had been doing online.
It was incredibly hard, but in that stillness, God confronted me. He gently asked, “How did you get here? What made you think you had to keep up this impossible pace?” As I began digging into that question, I started to see patterns and the emotions driving those patterns. I realized I had been running on the fuel of unmet emotions and pushing myself beyond what was healthy. When I started addressing these emotions and learning new ways to handle them, God began to heal me, even physically. I also learned new skills and developed ADD in the process.
I know now that when I am under a high level of stress, I make it a point to check in with myself emotionally, to be honest about what I am feeling, and to do what I need to do to protect myself. In that hospital room, God told me that He was giving me a second chance in my life and there would not be a third. This echoes in my mind and I am grateful that God gives me a warning sign when I am pushing too hard. I pray that you never have the physical effects of what can happen when we push things down for so long.
Managing my emotions has also dramatically changed my relationships. I started to realize that I could not stuff things anymore so I came to terms with what was mine to own and what was mine to release. This is really meaningful work because there is freedom in seeing what we are in charge of, what we can change, and releasing the rest to God. We talk more about emotional responsibility in episode 282: Emotional Responsibility: How to Stop Owning Other’s Feelings + Take Charge of Your Own.
Managing my emotions changed not only my marriage but also my parenting. I think as our kids get older, there are a lot of emotions that can be incredibly taxing for parents in that stage, and learning how to take emotional responsibility for what is ours and what is not is freeing as well. It changed my ability to show up for my kids in a healthier way.
It has also changed my everyday attitude. I give myself a lot more space to feel what I am feeling. I do not try to fix it, make myself perfect, and feel like I always need to be joyful or peaceful. I use tools like ADD which helps me acknowledge my emotions without judging myself for them. I now know that if I am having a down day, it is not going to last forever. I’ve learned to give myself that grace and that helps me keep going, even on days when I do not fully feel all the fruits of the Spirit, because none of us feel that way all the time. This work has given me a fresh perspective for each day, allowing me to approach life with a renewed attitude. As I continually clear out these emotions, bringing them before the Lord, I feel lighter, like I am not carrying yesterday’s baggage into today. It is freeing, and it really does make a difference.
It has also changed my ability to endure difficult seasons. When we go through the seasons of layoffs, intense issues with our kids, or even natural disasters – I can walk through those feelings and persevere through them. I am no longer running or trying to change what is happening. I am stepping into it and leaning into God’s support. This has grown my faith which is another big way that my life has changed. One of the biggest things that people say is they want to see God in the everyday. They want to see him at work and I would argue that working through our emotions, leaning into our feelings, and asking God to help us is a fantastic way for us to see God in the everyday.
God partners with us throughout the entire ADD process. In the Acknowledge step, He wants to show us his compassion for what we are feeling. In the discern step, He wants to give us His clarity for what is right, what is wrong, and how to sort through what we are feeling in line with Scripture. And in that third step, decide. He gives us His courage to make the right choice to release things. He gives us compassion, clarity, and courage which allows us to see God in our everyday lives.
[18:17] 3 Testimonials That Show The Impact of Using The Book’s Emotional Management Tools
I want to share a couple of testimonials of how managing emotions has changed other women's lives. These are clients that I have had and again, they are just everyday women. I want to let you know that if you feel like this is overwhelming to even think about managing your emotions, there is joy and peace on the other side of that.
This first testimonial is from Rebecca, she says “I looked back at a journal from a year ago, and it was really encouraging to see how my thoughts and feelings have evolved after using ADD. I used to be a slave to my emotions, especially my anger. My inner voice was so accusatory and self-hating. Now I'm much more able to separate myself from my emotions and release control to God. I'm way more compassionate to myself and others. Now it's really encouraging to see how my inner dialog has changed and my relationship with God has grown. A huge weight has finally lifted from my shoulders, one that has been there for 10 to 15 years.”
If you have ever felt that weight or know that you have been running from your emotions and you are intimidated by them – I understand. But when you hear stories like this, I hope it shows you that holding onto that weight is causing damage too. It may be impacting your physical self, your relationships, or it could be something that is keeping you from living our your fullest self. Although it may be intimidating, there is freedom on the other side too. When we begin to manage our emotions we are also a lot more compassionate. There is something very beautiful about empathizing with someone else's pain. It makes us better humans and stronger witnesses for the gospel.
Another testimonial is from one of my coaching clients Stephanie. She says, “Before using the ADD Tool, I didn't sit with my emotions at all. I wanted them to be fixed or solved and I couldn't let the healing work at its own speed. Acknowledging my emotions with God beside me has taught me how to actively rest in his care and provision. Now, I'm much more patient with the process of managing emotions, it's also much easier to hold the hard emotions with open hands instead of closed fists.”
I wanted to share this testimonial because a lot of us just want our emotions to go away. We think “If I can just have my mind completely in line with scriptural truth, then I will not have any problems”. But the reality is that God gave us emotions as a way to interact with the world. Emotions are not all bad, some of the greatest feelings and experiences that we have are because we have emotions. Connections with other people and ways to explore this world all come back to the ability to respond to the world. I also love that she said she has become more patient with the process and is able to hold those hard emotions with open hands. When we hold our emotions with open hands, we are letting God come in and work with us to show us things that may be behind those emotions. It teaches us how to actively rest in His care and provision. This is also a powerful way to see Him work in your life.
The last testimonial I want to share is from Bryn. She was part of the Christian Mindset Makeover and she says, “ADD is so much more helpful than just telling ourselves to stop thinking something. Before I had ADD, I would wonder, ‘How do I make myself just believe God's truth in an emotional moment (like so many people advise) when my feelings are also so real?’ I understand that we are supposed to take any thoughts captive that don't align with God's thoughts, but if we don't deal with the feelings directly, then we're just stuffing them. I've used other tools to try to calm my feelings, but ADD gives me a proactive response to an emotion. It's so helpful for me to know what to do with the thought I'm someone who needs structure, and ADD gives me a specific way to manage my emotions. That really works.”
If you are someone who needs structure, this is a great tool for you. That is part of the reason why ADD was created. I wanted a formula for how to process what I was feeling. Especially as someone who is a highly sensitive person, I knew I could not just give my emotions up to God when I was feeling big things. ADD, especially combining it with emotional prep, is so powerful because we know exactly what to do with a thought. My heart's desire is that people will be less afraid to manage emotions because they will have a specific tool to be able to know what to do on how to release it to the Lord in ways that are backed by Scripture and science together.
[25:44] The Importance of Coming Up With a “Why” Statement For Managing Your Emotions
The real question throughout all of this is, “How can learning to manage emotions actually change your life?” One of the first steps I have women take in the Emotional Confidence Club – a supportive community where women dive into the principles of emotional confidence with guidance and a roadmap – is creating a “why” statement for managing their emotions.
Before we even start working with the material, I ask each woman to complete a worksheet to help her identify her personal “why.” Why does managing her emotions matter? What difference will it make if she does not? What is she committing to? Then, she posts her statement in the group, sharing openly, “This is who I am, this is my commitment, and this is why.” What is amazing is how much this process creates connection. As each woman shares her journey, others see pieces of their own story reflected back to them. It is a beautiful way to build community and it empowers each person to keep moving forward, even when it is tough.
Let’s be honest – the hardest part of managing emotions is often right at the start. When you are just beginning, the tools are new, the habits are not yet in place, and it is tempting to fall back into old patterns. Building this skill is like building any other habit – it takes time and practice. That is why this group support is so powerful, helping each woman stay committed to this life-changing work.
I want to share one last testimonial that relates to this “why” statement. My coaching client Brianna says, “I used to be depressed all the time and I felt very hopeless. I saw people around me being happy and I didn't understand how to get there. I finally got tired of living like that. I wanted something more and that gave me the tiniest bit of courage to grow in understanding my feelings. These little decisions to lean into my emotions became little bright spots of hope and happiness. As I saw my fog lifting, I realized that I didn't ever want to go back to that place, and that's my greatest motivation to stay emotionally connected with myself and others.”
Do you ever feel that way? Do you see or hear others around you and wonder, “Why don’t I have that freedom?” The truth is that change requires us to be tired enough of where we are to choose something different. For lasting change in any area, we have to feel more discomfort staying where we are than facing the discomfort of moving forward. Even animals and single-celled organisms are wired to move toward pleasure and away from pain – this is true for us too.
To truly make a change, we need to understand the pain we are moving away from. That is the “why” of it, and we need to see the pleasure we are moving toward. So, I encourage you to reflect on your current situation. What is the pain you are feeling right now when it comes to managing emotions, and what freedom could lie ahead?
[30:10] How is NOT Managing Your Emotions Stealing From You? Grab Your Copy of Emotional Confidence Today!
One of the downloads in Emotional Confidence is called “How are out-of-control emotions affecting your life?” It is incredibly powerful if you are at this place where you are not sure how these emotions are affecting your life. At the end of each chapter, there are specific links to downloads that can help support you. I wanted to make sure that you were not just reading the information, but actually have tools to apply it to your life.
Ultimately, the question that you need to consider right now is, “How is not managing your emotions stealing from you?” Last week, during a sermon, our pastor shared about the concept of FOMO. We are all familiar with this and it is an ongoing thing in my life too. When he brought up FOMO, it instantly got my attention and then he completely turned it on its head. He said “What about the FOMO that we need to have as believers for things of the Lord? Like FOMO for joy, for peace, for patience for, all the fruits of the Spirit? We need to have a desire for that.”
So what is happening in your life that is not allowing you to access those things? And how often are our emotions doing exactly that? Imagine if you had FOMO for truly understanding yourself in this way, for cultivating a calm and peace that could carry you through any situation. It does not mean you will always be floating from one joy cloud to the next, but you will have the confidence that, when difficult emotions arise, you will want to lean into God’s help – to draw out every bit of the peace He offers.
Picture having a mindset that is anchored in Him, like Isaiah describes, and discovering, through managing our emotions, how this connection brings those scriptures to life. I encourage you to grab your copy of Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture, wherever books are sold!
RESOURCES:
Tired of up-and-down feelings stealing your peace, sabotaging your relationships, and filling your mind with self-defeating thoughts? If so, make sure to get my new book, “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture”.
RELATED EPISODES:
271: (New Book!) Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science + Scripture
282: Emotional Responsibility: How to Stop Owning Other’s Feelings + Take Charge of Your Own
