Ep 375: Emotional Avoidance: Learning to Lean into Hurt Instead of Running from It with Willow Weston
We’ve all done it–minimizing or numbing our emotions after a painful experience. Today’s guest Willow Weston invites us to consider asking this question instead: What if the pain I’m trying to avoid is actually pointing me toward the healing God wants to bring?
Willow and I share honestly talk about how unprocessed pain can come out sideways through anxiety, anger, relationship struggles, avoidance, and other patterns, and what it looks like to finally name what you're carrying and invite God into those tender places.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
[00:00] Why We Learn to Avoid Pain Instead of Process It
[04:00] How the Way We Were Taught to Handle Pain Follows Us
[11:00] Recognizing When Unprocessed Pain Is Coming Out Sideways
[14:00] Letting God and Safe People Into Your Pain
[19:00] Why Healing Sometimes Requires Us to Risk Hope
[24:00] Why We Can't Ignore the “Small” Hurts
[28:00] Moving Past the Shame of Still Struggling
[37:00] Two Questions to Help You Take Your Next Step Toward Healing
[00:00] Why We Learn to Avoid Pain Instead of Process It
Most of us know we're supposed to bring our pain to Jesus, but actually sitting with hurt can feel much harder. Willow shares how she learned early in life to minimize painful experiences and keep moving, and how those unprocessed experiences eventually became part of her healing journey.
When we avoid pain, it doesn't necessarily disappear; it can show up later in our emotions, relationships, and the ways we respond to life.
[04:00] How the Way We Were Taught to Handle Pain Follows Us
Willow shares a powerful idea from her book Collide: “We don't move on, we move with.”
Growing up with a mother who struggled with addiction, Willow experienced painful and traumatic situations that she wasn't given the space or permission to process. After one particularly traumatic night, she was told to tell people she'd been in a bike accident rather than talk about what had actually happened. Life simply moved forward, but the pain went with her.
Years later, when her Christian landlord began asking questions about her story and giving her permission to be honest about what she'd experienced, Willow began to realize just how much grief and hurt she had been carrying.
[11:00] Recognizing When Unprocessed Pain Is Coming Out Sideways
Sometimes we don't realize we're hurting because we've become very good at coping. Willow talks about how unprocessed pain can show up through anxiety, sleeplessness, insecurity, relationship struggles, avoidance, or reactions that seem bigger than the situation in front of us.
These responses aren't necessarily something to be ashamed of; they can be clues that something deeper is asking for our attention.
Instead of immediately trying to fix the behavior, we can slow down and become curious about what might be happening underneath it.
[14:00] Letting God and Safe People Into Your Pain
Healing isn't something we're meant to do completely alone. Willow shares how learning to let God into her pain, while also allowing safe people like her husband, therapist, mentors, and friends to walk alongside her, became an important part of her healing.
She connects this to the story of the paralyzed man whose friends carried him to Jesus when he couldn't get there himself. They couldn't heal him, but they could carry him to the One who could, and sometimes we need to be willing to let other people help carry what we've been trying to hold by ourselves.
[19:00] Why Healing Sometimes Requires Us to Risk Hope
Willow introduces the idea of risking hope, believing that something different might actually be possible even when you've lived with pain for a long time.
The story of the paralyzed man is such a powerful picture of this because he allowed himself to be carried into a room full of people and toward Jesus without knowing what would happen. Sometimes we become so familiar with our pain that hoping for something different feels vulnerable or even scary. But healing can begin when we allow ourselves to believe that our story doesn't have to stay exactly as it has always been.
[24:00] Why We Can't Ignore the “Small” Hurts
Not every painful experience looks like major trauma. Sometimes it's the repeated comment from a friend, a disappointment in a relationship, a conflict we decided wasn't worth addressing, or a series of little moments that we keep telling ourselves aren't a big deal.
Willow talks about how these smaller hurts can build on each other when we continually brush them aside. At the same time, processing our pain doesn't automatically mean confronting everyone who has hurt us. We can bring those experiences to God and ask, “What do You want me to do with this?” before deciding what our next step should be.
[28:00] Moving Past the Shame of Still Struggling
Willow shares a vulnerable story about hiding in a closet after her mother unexpectedly showed up at her home, and how she immediately felt ashamed that she was still reacting that way after years of following Jesus. But that reaction wasn't proof that she was failing spiritually; it revealed a place where old pain still needed healing.
We don't have to shame ourselves for struggling; sometimes the most honest prayer is simply, “I need God.”
[37:00] Two Questions to Help You Take Your Next Step Toward Healing
As you think about your own story, consider two questions:
What are you carrying today?
Maybe it's a major trauma. Maybe it's grief you've never processed. Or maybe it's the collection of everyday hurts that have slowly built up in your emotional backpack. You don't have to solve it all today. Start by noticing it. Name what you're carrying and allow yourself to be honest about it.
How might God want you to help someone else take a step toward healing?
The story of the paralyzed man reminds us that sometimes we are the ones who need to be carried and sometimes God is asking us to be the ones who carry someone else.
You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to be completely healed before God can use you. Sometimes the next step is simply admitting, “God, I cannot do this on my own. I need You.”
Healing may not happen all at once. It may look like the next layer, the next conversation, the next moment of honesty, or the next step toward freedom. Whatever that next step is, you can bring it to God.
RESOURCES:
Collide: Running Into Healing When Life Hands You Hurt by Willow Weston
RELATED EPISODES:
Ep 374: 5 Types of Emotional Overwhelm—Which Are You Experiencing?
Ep 370: Learning to Tend Your Soul: Befriending the Hidden Parts of Your Heart with Dr. Alison Cook
Ep 365: God Reveals So He Can Heal (And It's Time to Step Into That Healing)
