376: Best Of – Freeing Yourself from the Need to “Hold It All Together” 

What if the pressure to hold everything together is one of the very things keeping you overwhelmed? In this Best Of episode, I’m revisiting a conversation about the exhausting pressure to get everything right, keep everyone happy, and make sure life turns out the way we think it should. We’ll talk about the hidden beliefs behind our need for control, why our value isn’t determined by how well we perform, and how to find peace even when you don’t know what the outcome will be. 

Most importantly, we’ll look at the freeing truth of Colossians 1:17: Jesus is the One who holds all things together. You were never meant to carry the weight of holding your family, your future, your relationships, or your entire life together on your own. 

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN 

[00:00] The Hidden Pressure Behind Trying to Hold It All Together 

[05:00] How the Need for Control Fuels Emotional Overwhelm 

[08:00] Jesus Is the One Who Holds All Things Together 

[11:00] When Doing Everything Right Still Doesn’t Give You the Outcome You Want 

[14:00] Why Your Ability to Carry More Doesn’t Determine Your Value 

[17:00] Finding Peace Without Knowing What Happens Next 

[20:00] What Actually Belongs to You—and What Belongs to God 

[23:00] Releasing the Pressure to Make Everything Perfect 

[00:00] The Hidden Pressure Behind Trying to Hold It All Together 

Have you ever felt like you have to keep everything together because if you drop the ball, somehow it means you've failed? I've felt that pressure in so many areas of my life—the pressure to get it right, make sure every detail is handled, and not let people see that something might be falling apart behind the scenes. Sometimes this comes from wanting to maintain an image, and sometimes it's simply the belief that if we can control enough things, we'll finally feel safe. 

For me, realizing I was an Enneagram Type One helped me see how deeply connected this was to my desire to be good and get things right. But carrying that constant pressure can quietly steal our joy and keep us in a state of emotional overwhelm. 

[05:00] How the Need for Control Fuels Emotional Overwhelm 

Overwhelm grows with pressure. When we're constantly telling ourselves, What if I drop the ball? What if they see I'm not perfect? What if I don't get this right? our brains stay under pressure to keep everything in line. It's like continuing to turn up the heat on a pot of boiling water without ever reducing the steam. 

I saw this in myself as a young mom. I had unknowingly given myself the assignment of making sure my kids obeyed because I felt like their behavior reflected whether I was doing a good job. As they got older and began making their own choices, I had to face the reality that I couldn't control everything—and that the control I thought I had was often just a false sense of security. 

[08:00] Jesus Is the One Who Holds All Things Together 

One of the biggest mindset shifts for me came through Colossians 1:17: “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Jesus is the One who holds all things together—not me. Not my performance. Not my ability to make all the right decisions for my family. 

There is something incredibly freeing about realizing that I was never assigned the job of holding the universe together. Yes, I have responsibilities, and there are things God has called me to do. But there is a difference between being responsible for what God has given me and trying to take responsibility for outcomes that only He can control. 

[11:00] When Doing Everything Right Still Doesn’t Give You the Outcome You Want 

For much of my life, I believed some version of A + B = C. If I worked hard, did the right things, made good choices, and showed up faithfully, then I expected a certain outcome. But life doesn't always work that way. 

When my husband unexpectedly lost his job during COVID, we initially thought it would be a short transition because he was hardworking and well-connected. But weeks turned into months, and eventually we walked through an 18-month journey of trusting God for provision.  

I had to wrestle with a hard question: Would I trust God even when I had done everything I knew to do and the outcome still didn't make sense? 

[14:00] Why Your Ability to Carry More Doesn’t Determine Your Value 

Another lie underneath the pressure to hold everything together is the belief that carrying more somehow proves our value. We live in a world that celebrates achievement and accomplishment, so it's easy to begin measuring our worth by how much we're doing, managing, or achieving. 

But carrying everything doesn't make us strong, and we don't have to prove that we are. I watched my daughter push through an incredibly difficult ocean swim with strong waves and currents, and it reminded me that real strength isn't about trying to prove ourselves. Sometimes we grow stronger by persevering through hard things—and sometimes the hard thing God asks us to do is let go of the pressure. 

[17:00] Finding Peace Without Knowing What Happens Next 

We can easily believe that peace will come once everything is figured out. Once we know what will happen. Once the future makes sense. Once we finally have the outcome under control. 

But peace doesn't come from knowing the outcome—it comes from knowing Who holds the outcome.  

A friend once shared the image of an anchor with me: the waves can move the boat around on the surface, but the anchor keeps it grounded underneath. Our emotions and circumstances may shift, but we don't have to jump into the ocean and try to hold the anchor down ourselves. God has the anchor. 

[20:00] What Actually Belongs to You—and What Belongs to God 

Letting go doesn't mean we suddenly stop taking responsibility for our lives. There are things that belong to us—but there are also places where our responsibility ends and God's begins. The challenge is recognizing when we've crossed that line because we're trying to control the outcome, perform perfectly, or make sure everything turns out the way we want. 

This is where I use the A.D.D. Method: Acknowledge, Discern, and Decide. I can acknowledge where I'm feeling pressure, discern what is true and what isn't, and ask myself what actually belongs to me versus what I'm carrying because I feel like I have to. Then I can decide how God is inviting me to release some of that pressure. 

[23:00] Releasing the Pressure to Make Everything Perfect 

I still see this pressure show up when I'm planning something important. As I prepared for an international retreat in Italy, I kept bumping into the thought that everything had to be perfect and turn out exactly the way I pictured it.  

But I had to ask myself: Where am I leaving room for God? 

My responsibility was to prepare with excellence, listen to the Holy Spirit, and create a framework for the experience. But I wasn't responsible for controlling every detail or making the entire outcome happen. God could work in ways I hadn't planned for and bring healing in places I didn't even know needed His attention. Sometimes letting go means continuing to show up faithfully while releasing the pressure to make everything perfect. 

RELATED EPISODES: 

Ep 374: 5 Types of Emotional Overwhelm—Which Are You Experiencing? 

Ep 373: What Is Emotional Regulation (And Why It's More Than Calming Yourself Down)  

Ep 372: Why Managing Overwhelm Is Where Emotional Healing Begins