380: Best of – How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding with Wisdom to Everyday Chaos

Do you find yourself reacting to frustrating situations even though you already know how you want to respond? Maybe it's your husband, your kids, your boss, or another difficult situation that sends you into an emotional spiral before you even have time to think. In this Best Of episode, we're talking about why we can go from one emotional crisis to another and what actually helps us interrupt that cycle. 

Instead of beating yourself up for reacting, let's look at what's happening in your body, your emotions, and your thought patterns. You'll learn how to recognize what is within your control, identify the deeper issues underneath the overwhelm, and practice responding with greater intention, wisdom, and peace—even when life continues to be chaotic. 

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN 

[00:00] Why Do We React Instead of Respond? 

[08:00] What Part of the Chaos Is Actually Your Responsibility? 

[10:00] Gut Check: Are You Making a Crisis Bigger Than It Needs to Be? 

[16:00] Why Do We Keep Going Back to the Chaos? 

[20:00] How Can We Find Peace in the Middle of Chaos? 

[23:00] Practical Ways to Interrupt the React Instead of Respond Cycle 

[25:00] Partnering With God in Your Emotional Growth 

[00:00] Why Do We React Instead of Respond? 

Have you ever said something in the heat of the moment and immediately wished you could take it back?  

You know how you should respond, but when you're overwhelmed, your body and nervous system can take over before your logical brain has a chance to catch up. 

Instead of beating yourself up afterward, it helps to understand what's happening inside you. Before we can respond differently, we have to learn how to recognize and work with the overwhelm that's driving the reaction. 

One of the hardest truths about emotional overwhelm is that life is still going to happen. 

 Jesus tells us in John 16:33, “In this world, you will have trouble.” The goal isn't to create a life where nothing difficult ever happens; it's learning how to experience God's peace in the middle of circumstances we can't control. 

When we stop expecting a problem-free life, we can begin focusing on what we can control: how we care for ourselves, how we respond, and how we allow God to meet us in the middle of the chaos. 

[08:00] What Part of the Chaos Is Actually Your Responsibility? 

Some crises truly come out of left field: a car accident, job loss, broken relationship, or other circumstance you couldn't have predicted. But there are also situations where our own choices, lack of rest, or patterns are contributing to the overwhelm. 

Ask yourself: Am I overwhelmed because I'm not taking care of myself? Am I exhausted, depleted, or disconnected from the things that nourish me physically, mentally, and spiritually? Taking responsibility for what is yours can help you stop carrying the belief that everything is simply happening to you. 

[10:00] Gut Check: Are You Making a Crisis Bigger Than It Needs to Be? 

Can we be honest? Sometimes the situation is real, but the story we tell ourselves makes it feel even bigger.  

Alicia shares the funny-but-relatable story of being a brand-new mom and feeling overwhelmed every night when her newborn woke up at 2 a.m. to eat. Eventually, she realized: this wasn't a crisis—it was life with a newborn. 

We can do the same thing with relationships and everyday situations. Someone makes a comment, and suddenly we're interpreting it through an old wound or belief. Asking, “Am I seeing this through a lie or blowing it out of proportion?” can help us separate what's actually happening from the story we're attaching to it. 

[16:00] Why Do We Keep Going Back to the Chaos? 

Here's a surprising question: Do you feel safer in chaos or in peace?  

Sometimes we genuinely want peace but feel more comfortable with chaos because it's what we've always known. Alicia shares how, early in her marriage, she actually found herself trying to create crises because her husband's calm, stable personality felt unfamiliar compared to the emotionally chaotic relationships she'd experienced before. 

If chaos is familiar, peace can feel uncomfortable. Learning to live differently may require developing new tools, setting boundaries, caring for your body, and becoming comfortable with a calmer way of living. 

Reacting is automatic. Responding is intentional. When we're overwhelmed, we can move into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn and respond from that survival state. But responding requires us to slow down and choose how we want to act. 

James 1:19–20 gives us a beautiful picture of this: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Scripture doesn't tell us we're never going to feel angry or upset. It teaches us that we can learn to respond to those emotions differently. 

[20:00] How Can We Find Peace in the Middle of Chaos? 

God doesn't expect you to figure out emotional overwhelm by yourself. Psalm 62:8 says, “Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” You can bring Him the raw emotions, the frustration, the fear, and the feeling that you're going from one crisis to another. 

The goal isn't to stop feeling. It's to learn what helps you move from that activated state into a place where you can access wisdom and respond with intention.  

And here’s great news: God isn't comparing your growth to anyone else's—He's inviting you to become a little stronger in this area than you were yesterday. 

[23:00] Practical Ways to Interrupt the React vs Respond Cycle 

Start by simply noticing when you're caught in the react vs. respond cycle. Ask yourself:  

What part of this is actually my responsibility?  

Am I making this bigger than it needs to be?  

Am I allowing an old belief or lie to influence how I'm seeing this situation? 

Then get curious about what's underneath the overwhelm. If the emotion is the tip of the iceberg, what might be underneath it? Developing this kind of emotional fitness takes practice, but over time you can learn that you don't have to follow every thought or emotion that comes up. 

[25:00] Partnering With God in Your Emotional Growth 

We can be tempted to pray, “Lord Jesus, just fix it. Amen,” and walk away expecting everything to change.  

But God invites us into something deeper—a partnership where we participate in our own growth and healing. 

That doesn't mean you're responsible for fixing yourself. It means you're willing to listen to the Holy Spirit, learn new skills, make different choices, and practice responding differently. You don't have to do it perfectly. You simply have to be willing to take the next step. 

RESOURCES: 

Emotional Overwhelm Reset System — In under 30 minutes, learn my simple “prep before you process” approach to calm overwhelming emotions and find clarity.  

AliciaMichelle.com/overwhelm 

RELATED EPISODES: 

Ep 373: What Is Emotional Regulation (And Why Is It More Than Calming Yourself Down?) 

Ep 374: 5 Types of Emotional Overwhelm—Which Are You Experiencing? 

Ep 378: What Do You Actually Need When You’re Carrying a Lot Emotionally?