My Mess Is Here to Bless
Last Updated on August 22, 2024 by Alicia Michelle
It was 1:25 p.m. and our minivan scooted up the driveway into the garage. I knew that a friend of mine was coming at 1:30 for some tea and mom chat time, so I was hustling back from our morning of appointments and errands.
I’d planned to get home by 12:45 or even 12:30 to get everything ready for my friend’s arrival. But one thing had lead to another that day… and here I was, at 1:25, rushing the kids into the house and bustling around.
We hadn’t eaten lunch yet… there were groceries to be put away… sigh. So much for my plan to have the kids happily settled in their own activities (and for me to be calm and rested in preparation for our visit).
And, then I surveyed the landscape.
Man. That’s a lot of dishes in my sink. And on the counter next to it.
The pile of unsorted mail on another kitchen counter was also untidy. LEGO guys (some of them, uh… decapitated) littered the entry way where my youngest had been playing previously. School books, shoes, socks, a few jackets—they all were in various disarray in the kitchen and family room.
Fabulous. Just great. I thought. I felt the anger in me starting to bubble.
The clock now read 1:28 p.m.
This was a new friend, but from what I knew of her so far I had a sneaking suspicion that she was one of those punctual people. Which meant that her car would be pulling up my driveway any minute.
She was going to walk into my house and see me, my house and my kids in less than an ideal state. It was not how I’d envisioned our time together. At all.
Outwardly, the situation had been determined, and in these last few moments there wasn’t much I could physically do about it.
Inwardly, however, I still had a choice.
I could follow my natural inclination and let the tension of having a messy house overwhelm me, cause more worry and stress, and dampen my mood (and thus our time together).
Or, I could simply stop and embrace the moment in all its imperfection. I could choose to accept the vulnerability I was faced with and let her see the side of me that is sometimes not all put together.
I could make excuses for why things looked like they did, or I could simply say, “Welcome to our home… in all its glory”… and move on from the moment.
In short, I could choose to say, “My mess is here to bless.”
RELATED YVF VIDEO: “Did You Know Your Mess Is A Blessing?” (subscribe here)
You see, ladies, no matter how much we deny it sometimes, we really do want to show our best face to others. We wear our best clothes to church, present a happy face (even when we don’t feel it), and can give an unspoken vibe that all is well, and all is good (even when it isn’t).
There are times when a plastic smile seems so much more comfortable sometimes than a frown… or even a tear.
We don’t want anyone to know our deepest darkest secret: despite our truest efforts, we don’t have it all figured out.
While I’m not advocating for us to always wear our emotions on our sleeve or to leave our homes in a state of disarray, I am saying that perhaps we can re-frame how we view these (uncomfortable) moments.
What if we viewed these as amazing opportunities to allow someone else an intimate glimpse into our very real, very flawed world? To let them know that they’re not alone in their imperfection?
What if we reversed the roles and we were the ones walking into another mom’s behind-schedule-messy-house moment? Wouldn’t we feel a small sense of relief that phew… her days and her life can be just as scattered and crazy as mine.
I know I would. (Anyone want to volunteer to let me walk into their moment?)
We talk about wanting to be real with each other, but are we really willing to offer that kind of “nakedness” to someone else, especially one that we don’t know that well yet? We are desperate for closeness and a feeling of you-are-just-like-me, but how does this happen unless we take the masks off from time to time?
My friend was a brand new mom and she was feeling her way through those first exhilarating (and exhausting) months of motherhood. So perhaps walking into someone else’s mess would be, in fact, a soothing balm for her.
That afternoon, I had wanted to offer her grace during this season of upheaval and discovery. To tell her that the mothering life wasn’t picture-perfect—for anyone. I wanted to start off our new relationship with openness, honesty and authenticity.
So that’s why I finally decided that “me being real”—messy house and all—was just what needed to happen today.
The doorbell rang and I hugged my friend and her new little one at the door.
Doing my best to not offer an excuse or a reason for our disorganization, I simply said, with a smile: “Welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.”
Other posts on Being Real as a Mom:
My Very Real Homeschool: Sharing the Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Homeschooling Joy: Who Wants to Get Real With Me?
Wow! Thank you, Jenn! Yes, you are more than welcome to include this for the imperfect mom roundup! Thank you for your encouragement!
Alicia! What a beautiful post. I don’t know if you shared it for the imperfect mom roundup, but it’s definitely going in there! How absolutely perfect – I love how real you are, and I’m sure your friend was, indeed, blessed by your mess! 🙂
Thanks for linking up with Grace & Truth!! <3
Thank you, Kristen, for your encouragement! I think it blesses all of us when we can be transparent and show our real selves, without the fancy makeup. 🙂 Thanks for visiting!
I appreciate it so much when people are real! No one grows or is encouraged by a fake face! Visiting from #graceandtruth.
I love it! I make excuses all of the time, unfortunately. I’m glad that you caused me to examine myself. I just need to let go. God bless!
Abby, what you wrote here is beautiful. We have all had those moments when we know (inside) we’ve been judgmental. And then it all seems to turn on us when we realize that, oh, wow, we too can fall so short. Yes, I am trying to let this go too. It’s funny… we ask for help in letting this go, and then God gives us these situations where we get to be vulnerable before others. And parenting and homeschooling have been my most humbling grounds for these teachings. I think that really we do want people to know that we’re better (than what we’re currently presenting) because we’re afraid that we’ll disappoint them. But God doesn’t want us to hide from it. He looks at us with pure love and says, “Even if you want to hide it from everyone else, I see the imperfection… and I’m not afraid of it. I still love and accept you just as you are.” Oh, if we could only wrap our minds around this in those moments! Thank you for being bold enough to talk openly about this. Blessings to you today.
Thank you. I know God wants me to release this. I hate the feeling of being judged (bc I’ve been judgemental). That my best no longer produces perfection. However, I am finding freedom in letting go and moving towards relationships and away from rules only. I like how you said we don’t even have to offer excuses. God knows we have tried our best and we live to please Him alone, yet I still want people to know that “I” can do better than this. God is using my children to shape my character, beyond the external mess, to the internal sin mess.