381: My Life Right Now: When God Asks You to Surrender the Story You Wanted 

What do you do when life doesn’t turn out the way you expected—and you can't fix it, control it, or even fully understand what God is doing? Maybe you're trying to trust God, but you're also angry, disappointed, grieving, or just plain confused. How do you hold all of those emotions without pretending everything is fine or letting those feelings take over? 

In this episode, I’m sharing something very personal that I’ve been walking through in my own family, especially as I navigate the complicated emotions that come with parenting young adult children.  

We’ll talk about what it really looks like to surrender when you’re still grieving, why pretending you’re “already on the other side” doesn’t actually help you heal, and how God can meet you in the messy middle. If you’re walking through a situation you wish were different, I hope this conversation reminds you that you don’t have to have all the answers—you can keep moving forward while trusting God with what you cannot control. 

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN 

[00:00] When Life Doesn’t Turn Out the Way You Expected 

[02:00] You Don’t Need to Become a “Better You” 

[04:00] Holding Faith and Hard Emotions at the Same Time 

[08:00] The Grief of Losing the Future You Imagined 

[10:00] Surrender Is the Goal, But We First Have to Deal With the Emotions Behind Surrender  

[12:00] Are You Chasing the Illusion of Certainty? 

[17:00] What Does Surrender Really Look Like? 

[22:00] How Can You Stay in Surrender (When You Just Want to Fix)? 

[00:00] When Life Doesn’t Turn Out the Way You Expected 

Sometimes the hardest seasons are the ones you never saw coming. You can have a strong faith, know the tools, pray the prayers, and still find yourself in a situation that feels murky and uncertain. I’m sharing honestly about some of the things I’ve been walking through in my own family, not because I have everything figured out, but because I know I’m not the only one walking through something I don’t understand. 

Talking about emotional health doesn’t mean we never struggle with our own emotions. We can still feel confused, overwhelmed, disappointed, or unsure of what to do next. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is acknowledge where we actually are instead of pretending we have everything together. 

[02:00] You Don’t Need to Become a “Better You” 

One of the things God has been reminding me is that the Christian life isn't about becoming a slightly improved version of ourselves through more effort or self-help. We can't fix ourselves by simply trying harder to be better. What we actually need is surrender, allowing God to work in us from the inside out. 

That changes the way we approach emotional growth, too. The goal isn't to become someone who never feels angry, disappointed, hurt, or confused. It's learning what to do with those emotions and allowing God to meet us in them. 

[04:00] Holding Faith and Hard Emotions at the Same Time 

There can be so much pressure to choose between being a “good Christian” and being honest about how we feel. We might think that if we really trust God, we shouldn't be angry, disappointed, hurt, or confused. So we put on the happy face, tell everyone that God is good and in control, and push the difficult emotions down. 

But there’s another extreme, too. We can become so consumed by our anger and hurt that those emotions begin to take over. There is a messy middle where we can say, “God, I trust You, and this really hurts. I believe You are good, and I don't understand this.” Honest surrender means bringing our real hearts to God instead of pretending everything is fine. 

[08:00] The Grief of Losing the Future You Imagined 

One of the biggest realizations for me has been recognizing that some of what I’m experiencing is grief. When reality looks different from what you expected, there can be very real losses, even when no one has technically “lost” anything. You may be grieving an expectation, a relationship dynamic, a future you imagined, or the way you thought a particular season of life would unfold. 

Grief is messy. One day you may feel like you've accepted what is happening, and the next day you're angry all over again. You can feel like you've finally found your footing only to have something happen that makes you question everything again. That doesn't mean you're failing. Sometimes that's simply what walking through grief looks like. 

[10:00] Surrender Is the Goal, But We First Have to Deal With the Emotions Behind Surrender  

I often think about emotional growth as standing on one side of a huge ravine, knowing that we're supposed to get to the other side. We know surrender is the goal. We know we're supposed to trust God. But there's a massive gap between where we are and where we want to be. 

We can't simply pretend we're already on the other side. If we're angry, grieving, confused, or afraid, those things need to be acknowledged before we can honestly surrender them.  

Pretending that everything is fine doesn't get us across the ravine. Honest surrender means acknowledging what is actually happening while still choosing to take the next step with God. 

[12:00] Are You Chasing the Illusion of Certainty? 

We want answers. We want to know what is going to happen, how things will turn out, and whether everything is going to be okay.  

But certainty can become an illusion because even when we get one answer, our minds immediately start looking for the next one. We can spend so much energy trying to predict what will happen that we miss what God is asking us to do right now. 

Sometimes we have to live in the place where things are still up in the air. That doesn't mean putting a happy Christian platitude over something painful. It means keeping our hearts focused on God and where He is leading us without requiring Him to give us the entire roadmap first. 

[17:00] What Does Surrender Really Look Like? 

Surrender isn't pretending that you're okay. It isn't telling yourself that you shouldn't be sad or angry. And it certainly isn't figuring out the entire path before you take the first step.  

Sometimes surrender sounds more like, “I don't know. I don't know how this is going to work out, but I'm going to keep walking.” 

There are days when I need to stop and grieve. There are days when I'm angry or disappointed. And then there are days when God reminds me that I need to keep moving forward.  

I’m here to testify that He can give us the strength for the next step even when we don't feel ready. We don't have to know exactly what the other side looks like in order to trust the One who is walking with us across the bridge. 

[22:00] How Can You Stay in Surrender (When You Just Want to Fix)? 

There are situations where our natural instinct is to fix. We want to step in, change things, protect someone, or make the outcome different. But sometimes the hardest role God gives us is to surrender. As a parent, that can be especially difficult when the person you love is an adult and ultimately has the freedom to make their own choices. 

When I can't go in and fix things for someone I love, I have to ask, “What is my role?” In this situation, my role is to surrender. That's not an easy role, but it is the one God is asking me to take.  

I can still love, pray, communicate honestly, and use the wise tools God has given me, but I don't have to carry responsibility for what isn't mine to control. 

RELATED EPISODES: 

Ep 379: “How Do I Walk Through This Well?” Finding Emotional Clarity When Life Gets Complicated 

Ep 378: What Do You Actually Need When You’re Carrying a Lot Emotionally? 

Ep365: God Reveals So He Can Heal (Is It Time to Step Into Healing?)