279: Step 3: How Can We DECIDE to Respond to Our Feelings In Light Of Biblical Truth?
In today’s episode, I’m guiding you through the “Decide” step of ADD (my signature emotional management tool), where we learn how to obey God instead of giving in to our emotional impulses. I share practical tools to help us manage our emotions and surrender them to God, even when it’s hard.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- [02:39] Decide: What Action Does God Want Us to Take and Where Does He Want Us To Emotionally Dwell?
- [07:17] God Inspires Us to Make The Right Decisions, Despite What We Are Feeling
- [11:09] Once We Know We Are Seen, It Becomes So Much Easier to Obey God
- [13:15] “Make The Best Decision You Can in The Moment Based on The Wisdom You're Given by The Holy Spirit”
- [16:00] Want to Learn How to Apply the ADD Emotional Management Tool in Your Everyday Day? If So, Join The Book Launch Team for Emotional Confidence!
[02:39] Decide: What Action Does God Want Us to Take and Where Does He Want Us To Emotionally Dwell?
In this third step of ADD (Acknowledge, Discern, and Decide), Decide is all about asking God for His will on how to handle our emotions in light of biblical truth. In this step, we ask Him for the courage to do the right thing with what we are feeling, even when we are surrounded by emotions that might tempt us to lash out or shut down. We are also trying to reconcile the reality of what we are feeling with the truth that God has revealed in the second step, to know what we should do with what we are feeling. It is not always easy to obey God and this is the step where we may need to say “Lord, I'm giving this feeling to You and I'm trusting You with this situation in a different way.”
If we go back to the analogy that managing emotions is like walking into a messy closet, the first step of “acknowledge” is about seeing the messy clothes and acknowledging how it got this way. The second step, “discern”, is looking at each item in the closet and noticing what is worth keeping (what is true and untrue). And with this step “decide”, we have the courage to take action, clean up the closet, and make the decision. We have to ask ourselves “Am I going to trust in the Lord and respond in His way or am I going to trust in myself and do what I feel is right?” This is why courage and surrender are a big part of this step because we need God's supernatural boldness to listen to His direction instead of responding to our emotional impulses.
This step’s main goal is to answer these two questions:
-What action does God want me to take?
-Where does He want me to emotionally dwell? What are we choosing to let our minds focus on?
One of the beautiful scriptures that people often quote when it comes to managing emotions is Philippians 4. You may be familiar with the verses that encourage us to focus our thoughts on what is true, right, lovely, pure, and praiseworthy. These words remind us of where to direct our minds once we have released our worries. After letting go, we must decide where our mind will dwell emotionally. This is the heart of the “decide” step – we are choosing where to rest mentally after working through our struggles.
For each step in the ADD process, we can create a personalized statement. For this step, the statement would be, “In light of what I've discovered, I will take X action and choose to dwell in Y emotion.”
When you put all of these statements together, it becomes a powerful emotional management tool for processing emotions. It allows you to honor your feelings, align with biblical truth, and give you the ability to confidently move forward.
We outline this clearly in Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture and we even give you a downloadable template to help guide you. We also offer example statements (both in a condensed and expanded format!) covering six common emotions. These examples give detailed guidance on how to apply this in your own life.
[07:17] God Inspires Us to Make The Right Decisions, Despite What We Are Feeling
This third step of “decide” is so important because it helps us discern which actions are our responsibility and which are not, allowing us to resolve emotional tension. In this step, God is asking us to determine responsibility. He is encouraging us to ask, “Is this something I need to take care of? Is this something you need to own? Or is it something someone else is responsible for?” Many times, our emotions come up from situations that are beyond our control. We do not have the power to change the outcome because it is not our decision to make. In these cases, the decision might simply be surrendering and releasing it to God.
Whatever decision we make, God inspires us to make the right choice, regardless of how we feel. Our emotions must always come under the authority of biblical truth and God calls us to take bold and courageous action, even when it is hard and it does not make sense given what we are feeling. Sometimes, we have to calm our emotions and act contrary to our initial response. I also love how God provides us with stories in the Bible of people taking bold steps, even when their emotions might have led them in a different direction. Jesus is the perfect example of this, showing us how to act courageously despite what we might feel.
I love the verse in Luke 9:51, where it says “Jesus marched resolutely into Jerusalem as his time drew near to ascend to heaven.” And of course, there is the powerful moment in the Garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus says, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” In both instances, Jesus knew exactly what was before Him.
I am sure He must have felt very strong emotions, especially in the garden where His fears and anguish were so evident. But He did not ignore these emotions, He acknowledged them, gained the truth of what needed to happen, and decided to obey God.
Jesus provides such a beautiful example for us by experiencing deep emotions, yet still choosing to do what needs to be done. God saw his emotions, held them, and was present with him through it all. He even sent an angel to minister to Jesus in the garden. It is such a powerful image of how God meets us in our emotional struggles while guiding us toward His will.
Another powerful story is that of Joseph. Despite everything he went through, Joseph never lost hope in the dreams God gave him. Even though he likely felt forgotten and lost after all he endured like being thrown into a pit by his family, sold into slavery, and falsely accused of a crime. He could have let the emotional turmoil overwhelm him but he chose to continue following God and commit himself to the Lord, despite what he was feeling.
The Psalms are also filled with countless examples of this. We see David and other authors pouring out their hearts before the Lord. Again and again, they come to God, saying, “Here’s how I’m feeling, I’m angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. I want You to do this and that but I am going to leave it in Your hands and choose to follow You.” It is a powerful reminder of how we can be honest with God about our feelings, yet still choose to trust and obey.
[11:09] Once We Know We Are Seen, It Becomes So Much Easier to Obey God
It’s incredibly powerful to know that Jesus hears our fears and emotions. He understands and holds all of it. Once we realize we are seen by Him, it becomes so much easier to obey God. It is no longer about obeying just because we are supposed to, but because we have a Heavenly Father who knows us, loves us, sees our pain, and is working things out in ways we may not understand. In that trust, we can still obey Him.
I love the story of Moses when he is standing up with the Israelites. The Egyptians are invading them and although they are outnumbered, he still says, “Stand still and let the LORD rescue you” as we read in Exodus 14:13-14. In moments when we are prone to emotional overwhelm, it is easy to get lost in those feelings, just like the Israelites did. They panicked, questioning why they ever left Egypt, wondering if they were better off staying enslaved. But Moses cautions them not to let those emotions take over, reminding them that even though the situation is terrifying, they need to focus on the truth of who God is. He has always been faithful, He was the one who orchestrated their freedom from slavery, and they could trust Him to show up and be God in that moment.
I love that we have that encouragement from these stories. Even though it is sometimes painful and hard to decide to follow God, we are not alone. We have other examples of people who are doing it, have done it, and it is the way that God wants us to be.
[13:15] “Make The Best Decision You Can in The Moment Based on The Wisdom You're Given by The Holy Spirit”
This brings us to a key aspect of the “decide” step, which I call “emotionally dwell”. This is all about asking ourselves how we are going to move forward in this decision, especially when it is a difficult one. When we obey the Lord, we can either do it begrudgingly, holding onto fear and emotional baggage or we can decide to live in hope and expectation. We need to ask ourselves, “Am I obeying, but still holding onto jealousy, comparison, or discontentment?” If we are, we can choose to base our response on who we know God is and how He has been faithful to us in the past. We can decide to live with hope, knowing that God loves us and will be with us. This promise gives us the courage to say:
“I am obeying even though I do not understand it or like it. I am following through with this knowing that you are holding these tears that I'm crying, that you love me, and that you are here to work all things out for my good. I am going to work with you in this and choose to emotionally dwell in hopeful expectation.”
I do have a caution for you in this step. Since we are seeing the reality of the emotion and we are deciding what to do with it, it is very easy to get stuck in this loop and not be able to make a decision. So I want to encourage you to get good at making a decision, moving forward with it, and letting the Lord work it out. Make the best decision you can at the moment based on the wisdom that you are given by the Holy Spirit, and let it go. That is our responsibility and we can choose to release ourselves from the overthinking that may come up.
[16:00] Want to Learn How to Apply the ADD Emotional Management Tool in Your Everyday Day? If So, Join The Book Launch Team for Emotional Confidence!
Even though I went through all of these steps very quickly, I want you to know that there is much more in my book, Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture. As I said earlier, I also help you create an ADD statement which you can use to mentally walk yourself through emotions as they come up. We have scriptures, 6 different emotions that we cover, and questions we can ask as we work through them.
The book also talks about how to use ADD in relationships, how to acknowledge what someone else is feeling versus what we are feeling, and what to do with what is true and untrue. It is a very powerful emotional management tool when it comes to navigating conflict. There are also ways that we can build lifestyle habits to make ADD easier to use. The book also covers how our mind works, biblical truths about emotions, and understanding the emotional triggers from a scientific and scriptural stance. If this is interesting to you, I highly recommend checking out Emotional Confidence and here are two ways that you can get your hands on it:
1. You can preorder it wherever books are sold and they will automatically send it to you the day it launches
2. You can Join The Book Launch Team and get a pre-order copy and other fun bonuses!
If you want to join the book launch team, it is simple and all you have to do is:
–Pre-order Emotional Confidence on Amazon
-Share about the book in some capacity whether that is on social media or with a friend
-Once the book is live, write a review on Amazon or Goodreads
In return, book launch team members get an early-reader copy of the book plus other exclusive bonuses! You can also grab the audiobook version when it comes out. Grab your copy of Emotional Confidence to learn this emotional management tool and so much more!
RESOURCES:
Tired of up-and-down feelings stealing your peace, sabotaging your relationships, and filling your mind with self-defeating thoughts? If so, make sure to join the launch team for my new book, “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture”, coming November 12th!
RELATED EPISODES:
271: (New Book!) Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science + Scripture
272: Healing from the Shame of Unprocessed Emotions in Your Life and Relationships
273: Overcome the Fear of Managing Emotions with 4 Empowering Truths
274: Are Emotions Sinful? How Can We Honor Emotions While Also Honoring Biblical Truth?
275: How Can I Name What I’m Feeling (When My Emotions Feel So Overwhelming)?
276: Do This BEFORE You Process Your Emotions (Emotional Prep)
277: Step 1: How Can We ACKNOWLEDGE Our Emotions Without Letting Them Take Over?
278: Step 2: How Can We DISCERN God’s Voice Over the Chaos of Our Emotions?
