306: On Addiction, the Enneagram and a Healthy Fix for Our Inner Brokenness with Ian Morgan Cron
Even if you don’t think of yourself as an addict, today’s episode will show you how addiction can take many forms. Author Ian Morgan Cron invites us to look beneath the surface, showing how we are all addicted to something, whether it’s control, approval, performance, or distraction. In this conversation, you'll learn how the 12 Steps can bring healing to our inner brokenness and why overcoming addictions is more relevant to all of us than we might realize.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
[03:12] What Can the 12 Steps Teach Us About Wholeness, Even If We Are ‘Well Adjusted'?
[06:10] How Does Recognizing Our Inner Ache Guide Us Toward Wholeness?
[08:23] How Addictions Can Sneak Up On Us + The Connection Between The 12 Steps and Christianity
[12:19] “To Be Alive Is to Be Addicted”
[14:22] How Do We Figure Out What Our Addictions Are?
[22:26] What if Addictions Are an Invitation From God?
[24:30] How Can the Church Become a Place Where It Is Safe to Be Broken?
[32:16] The Ways Enneagram Types Deal With Their Inner Brokenness + Is The Enneagram Against Biblical Teachings?
[37:42] A Deeper Dive Into The Enneagram – Subtypes + Countertypes
[40:17] Alicia’s Reflections: Can You Identify The Brokenness Inside of You? And If So, What Are You Going to Do About It?
[03:12] What Can the 12 Steps Teach Us About Wholeness, Even If We Are ‘Well Adjusted'?
In Ian’s book The Fix, he explores how the 12 Steps (originally created for recovery) can help all of us reconnect with God and ourselves. It speaks to the deep sense of brokenness that many of us experience at some point.
Ian’s own story brings this to life. His first experience with recovery started in his twenties when he entered a 12-step program to deal with drinking. Even though he initially participated more as an observer, the program helped him stay sober for decades.
Then, in 2020, he relapsed, which put him back in the rooms of recovery. During this time, Ian shares that he took recovery more seriously and discovered that the 12 Steps were not only revolutionary for him, but they were transformative for everyone, whether or not they struggled with substance abuse. The subtitle of The Fix is “How the 12 Steps Offer a Surprising Path of Transformation for the Well-Adjusted, the Down and Out, and Everyone In Between”. Everyone can benefit dramatically from what the 12 Steps have to offer, Ian shares.
[06:10] How Does Recognizing Our Inner Ache Guide Us Toward Wholeness?
In his book, Ian calls the longing that each of us has inside “the big ache”. This is common with all human beings in a fallen world. It is this feeling of spiritual homelessness and a missing sense of wholeness that has yet to be realized, even if we have a relationship with God, Ian says. When people have this sense of existential “dis-ease” with the world, it can come in the form of anxiety, depression, trauma, low self-esteem, and many other forms. This big ache also comes with disappointment in life, church, ourselves, and God.
When this happens, Ian shares that we will go in search of external solutions to solve internal problems. This external solution could be overeating, perfectionism, drinking, gambling, codependency, and the list goes on. These are all addictive, compulsive behaviors. Eventually, our external solution becomes a bigger problem than the problem we were hoping it would solve. Now, we have two problems: the inner ache and the external “solution.”
[08:23] How Addictions Can Sneak Up On Us + The Connection Between The 12 Steps and Christianity
Ian shares that oftentimes, addiction is like the tide creeping in. We do not notice it, and it happens just a little bit at a time. This results in these addictions “sneaking up on us,” but it also depends on the person.
Ian has met people who got addicted to a substance, behavior, or person as soon as they were introduced to it. This is because they felt like they found a solution, such as:
“This finally makes me feel at home in my own skin.”
“This gives me a sense of control.”
“This gives me a sense of security and safety that I did not know I was missing.”
Or all of the above. Yes, it can happen very quickly, but for many people, it happens over time. For example, you may discover something and in the beginning, it works without negative consequences, and you feel like you have found the magic bullet. But Ian reminds us of the saying that “addictions start off as fun, then it turns into fun with problems, and then it just turns into problems.”
Ian also shares that the 12 Steps and Christianity are woven together. The 12 Steps were written in the 1930s by a stockbroker named Bill W. They were derived from a Christian organization called the Oxford Group. They first had six steps, and then Bill expanded them to 12. Though many assume the goal of the steps is to stop addictive behaviors like drinking or gambling, Ian explains that is not the heart of it. The real purpose is to spark a spiritual awakening strong enough to make those compulsions unnecessary because what we were craving all along was a deeper connection with God.
The steps themselves take us on a healing journey. The first 3 steps help to restore our relationship with God. Steps 4-7 deepen our relationship with ourselves. Steps 8-9, we are restoring and mending our relationships with others. Then, steps 10-12 help us maintain that growth and live in a rhythm that supports continued healing. Ian reminds us that the transformation happening in 12-step groups, the laughter, honesty, and realness, is not just reserved for those “downstairs” in church basements. That kind of freedom and healing is available to all of us, wherever we are on the journey.
[12:19] “To Be Alive Is to Be Addicted”
At this point, you may be thinking, “I am not an addict, why do I need to learn about the 12 Steps? What does this have to do with me and my Christianity?” Gerald May, a renowned psychiatrist who was a person of faith, once wrote, “To be alive is to be addicted, and to be alive and addicted is to stand in need of grace”, Ian shares.
All of us find ourselves in patterns of compulsive, unhealthy relationships with a person, a behavior, or a substance. This could look like numbing ourselves, medicating ourselves, gambling, porn – and so much more. Think of them like self-prescribed treatment plans, Ian shares.
Ian has worked with many people in his coaching business around being a workaholic. They are super successful, but it comes at a very high cost, and they do not know how to stop. This is an addiction. He has them involved in Workaholics Anonymous, and they are going through the 12 Steps together.
As Brene Brown says, we are now part of the most addicted cohort in history. But if the word “addict” feels too far off for you, try this reframe: “I am powerless over ____, and it makes my life unmanageable.” That blank could be sin, selfishness, or control, which are things we all wrestle with. The truth is, everyone has something, and naming it is where healing begins.
[14:22] How Do We Figure Out What Our Addictions Are?
I know for me that workaholism is my vice. But if you are not sure what yours is, how do you figure it out? Ian shares that if you do a scan of your interior world, it will not be hard to figure out what it is. He shares that many people are addicted to their children. They are overly enmeshed, even in their adult children’s lives. They cannot stop worrying or calling, they are hooked. Or it could be a relationship with a partner where you are too enmeshed. People become obsessed with relationships in ways that are super unhealthy.
Ian shares this working definition of an addiction: “An addiction is any unhealthy, compulsive relationship with a person, a substance, or a behavior that has mood-altering effects and negative consequences.”
In my case, workaholism created what is called a “process addiction,” which is an addiction to a behavior. Work is not something I can give up, but I do need to be mindful when I notice I am slipping into that pattern. Workaholism almost took my life in 2017, which you can learn more about in episode 125: How the Hustle Culture + Need to Achieve Nearly Took My Life
Ian asked me what I was trying to solve with this addiction which I responded, “Trying to be enough, being worthy, and proving myself,” which is a bottomless hole. He shares that in the Bible, we call that “drinking from the wrong well.” But this addiction has a mood-altering effect because it makes you feel better about yourself, invaluable, and worthwhile in the eyes of others and yourself. The problem is, it will never be enough, like all self-escalating addictions are. Now you gotta work harder and harder and harder and harder, which leads to the negative consequences.
The negative consequence is the moment of clarity. This is when we start to realize we have been using an external solution for an internal problem, and that solution has now created even more problems than the one we were trying to fix. For someone struggling with workaholism, for example, it is a clear picture of a compulsive behavior that feels impossible to stop without help.
Recovery becomes the way back to center. It is a process that teaches us how to move from self-reliance to God-reliance, and slowly, healing comes. Even if the temptation to seek validation through work is still there, now there are tools and support that make it easier to choose differently. The grip of the addiction loosens because we are not trying to do it all on our own anymore, Ian shares.
When we have an addiction that we are working through, it is always an Achilles heel. We just need to be aware that it exists and that it is what we tend to go towards.
This addiction could be anything. For me, when I was a teen, I wanted a boyfriend to feel validated. It could be 1000 different things, but if we go back to the “ache” instead of the surface-level addiction, we can notice how we are trying to fill it in each season of life.
Ian shares that people are not just addicted to one thing. He noticed he was not only addicted to substances but also to people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, and perfectionism. Then he started realizing that he was trying to find solutions to problems in his internal world that only God can solve. He was trying to find solutions through these crazy behaviors, and they were not working, so he needed help disentangling himself. Noticing that we have crazy behaviors and talking time to be self-reflective is important. We often keep running and jumping from one thing to the next to fill that hole.
Ian recently received a call from a mom who has two 14-year-old sons and believes they are addicted to sports betting. Another parent told him that her child spent 9 hours on TikTok in one day. We have all seen people on planes who are glued to their phones the entire time. These are all addictions, even if they are not going to cause us to lose our jobs or marriages over it.
Ian shares that we need to think about how these addictions play out in our relationships and lives because no matter what, they all have consequences. If we find ourselves not being able to stop a habit or behavior, we are addicted. Our brains are wired for addiction, but as Ian shares, he is grateful that he has had this addiction in his life because it has brought him to a place of reliance and intimacy with God that he could not have gotten any other way.
[22:26] What if Addictions Are an Invitation From God?
Have you ever thought that maybe our addictions are part of God’s ingenuity? He knows we are independent and intelligent creatures, and that we are the only creatures that have addictions. We are also the only creatures that have connections with God. Maybe it is His way of showing that our addictive personality needs to be connected with Him and not the things of the world.
Ian shares that he knows a man who was in treatment for an alcohol problem. He had a horrible upbringing, and as he was in treatment, his counselor sat down in front of him during their first meetings and said. “Good on you for finding alcohol, you might have died without it.” He was carrying so much pain, so of course, he found something. Maybe if we could understand our addictions as an invitation from God and not as a moral failure or being a bad person, it would allow us a deeper relationship with Him that was not previously known as available.
I believe that if we were not so afraid of admitting these things, it would be easier to recognize.
[24:30] How Can the Church Become a Place Where It Is Safe to Be Broken?
In most churches around the country, 12-step meetings are happening in the basement. Ian is always thinking, “Do the people upstairs have any idea of the miracles that are happening in the basement? Do they have any idea of the good stuff that God is doing down here?? They could derive these same benefits from the steps that are happening in these rooms. Brokenness, authenticity, being raw, openness, joy, and pure laughter are all normalized. They could have this in church as well. Part of the reason that Ian wrote The Fix was to show the church that these 12 Steps are aligned with the teachings of Jesus, and it can bring miracles into everyone else's lives as well.
I feel like there is an awakening that is happening in some churches. The conversations around mental health and not showing up as perfect people are happening. We can be broken, and this is a space where we should be able to be broken together. Although I do feel safe in intimate settings at church, Ian shares that many people do not feel safe to share their brokenness at church. As a pastor, he has noticed that there is so much image management, shame, and curation going on. People are worried that they have to look like the “perfect Christian.”
Ian believes that teaching the 12 Steps in churches could be a powerful way to help people, because it would create a culture where it is normal to talk about what is not working in our lives. When we get honest about our struggles, we open the door to real healing and a deeper connection with God. The truth is, we often chase after solutions that were never going to work in the first place. But when we bring our mess to God instead of pretending everything is fine, He meets us right there. It is only when we drop the “perfect church person” act that we can actually get close to God, because that’s where intimacy with Him begins: in our honesty, not our image.
Many church people, including one of Ian’s friends, find their way into these meetings to deal with their issues because they find what the church is lacking. People need community and to know that they are not the only ones dealing with something. We all know about the brokenness in us and if there is no one else around being real about the brokenness in them, who can we take it to?
Ian points out that while community is essential, a community without a path to real change can sometimes just turn into people sitting around swapping struggles without growth. What sets the 12 Steps apart is that they offer both community and a clear, solution-oriented plan for transformation. That is why Ian created a 120-page workbook to go along with The Fix, for people who might not feel ready to walk into a formal recovery meeting. He shares that if you do not want to walk into a meeting, then grab a few trusted friends, form your own group, and walk through the steps together. It is a powerful way to experience healing in those broken places.
These days, most people know they are broken on some level, Ian shares. And if they don’t, it is often because they are lacking self-awareness or are too overwhelmed to even acknowledge it. I know that for many, the pain feels so far removed or untouchable that they avoid it altogether. Ian points out that our addictions and brokenness tend to thrive in the dark and isolation. This is where quiet desperation grows. His heart goes out to those people because carrying that kind of pain alone is exhausting.
[32:16] The Ways Enneagram Types Deal With Their Inner Brokenness + Is The Enneagram Against Biblical Teachings?
When it comes to the Enneagram, Ian explains that each type has its own core addiction, a way of coping with that deep inner ache. For example, Threes (like me) might gravitate toward workaholism as a way to pursue achievement and feel validated. One’s may get caught in perfectionism to avoid blame or feeling inadequate. Twos often try to earn love by meeting others’ needs. And other types have their own patterns of behavior that serve as “spiritual workarounds.” Ian shares that every Enneagram number has a go-to method for soothing the ache inside, and those patterns are often rooted in addiction-like tendencies woven into our personalities.
This is what makes the Enneagram so powerful because it helps us understand ourselves and what our motivation is behind the addiction. All of us have these predictable patterns of acting, thinking, and feeling to the point that they become habitual, and they eventually have negative consequences, Ian shares. Yet we keep doing them. So the first step is just being able to recognize our powerlessness over those things and beginning to enter into this partnership with God, where we can undo ourselves from it all.
If you have heard that the Enneagram is against Biblical teachings, Ian shares that this is not true at all. The Enneagram has passed through many hands, and that does not discredit its value. He points out that Christians use tools all the time with roots in secular or even anti-religious thinking, like therapy, which came from Freud, who was not exactly a fan of faith. But we still use concepts like the subconscious without a problem. So why not do the same with the Enneagram? Ian has seen it change lives and deepen the fruit of the Spirit, so let’s stop fixating, take it back, and use it as a tool through the lens of the gospel.
I often hear similar pushback when I teach on mindset and neuroscience. People sometimes ask, “Is that Biblical?” to which I respond, “Did God create your brain? Did God create science?” Just like you wouldn’t tell a heart doctor to skip medical advice and just pray, understanding how the brain works is part of understanding how God designed us. It is the same with mindset work, it is not replacing God, it is learning how we are wired. If we are going to question one tool, then let’s use that same filter across the board. Let’s just be honest and fair about the criteria we are using, friends.
[37:42] A Deeper Dive Into The Enneagram – Subtypes + Countertypes
Coretypes, wings, and subtypes are like Enneagram 2.0. The coretype will add some clarity to your life, the wing gives you added distinction, and then the three subtypes will show you the nuance. One of the three subtypes is a countertype.
For example, Ian is a self-preservation Four, which is the countertype. So while he has all the internal characteristics of a Four, loving poetry, books, and songwriting, he does not outwardly appear like the stereotypical creative Four you often read about. Instead, he might come across more like a Three or a Seven, which is productive, upbeat, and not particularly eccentric. That is because he keeps his suffering inward and compensates for it differently.
So while you can go deep into subtypes and countertypes (and they are super helpful), just knowing your core type and wing can already offer tons of insight. Ian recommends the book “The Complete Enneagram” if you want to dive deeper into this topic.
[40:17] Alicia’s Reflections: Can You Identify The Brokenness Inside of You? And If So, What Are You Going to Do About It?
We all have this awareness of being broken. Can you identify the brokenness inside of you? If you can, you will realize it is part of your everyday life, so we have to be aware of it and continually ask God, “Am I trying to fill the hole with this instead of allowing you to fill that hole?”
As Ian says in the book, “I discovered I was not addicted to just substances. I was also addicted to controlling people, places, and things. I was hooked on seeking credentials and titles, or needing to be the smartest guy in the room. On notoriety, on winning the approval of others. He said, seriously, I can't get out of bed and walk to the bathroom in the morning without stabbing my toe on one of my many addictions.”
He also quotes Anne Lamont by saying, “Getting all of one's addictions under control is a little like putting an octopus to bed.”
What are the things for you? And when you identify what it is, what are you going to do with it? It is one thing to take the car to the mechanic and learn that you need new brakes. It is another thing to get them fixed. Once we realize that we have the problem, we get to decide how we are going to approach it.
I would encourage you to check out a book like Ian's “The Fix”. It is a fresh read even if you are already familiar with the 12 Steps. Even though I have some family members who have gone to things like Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have the workaholics anonymous book, as I was reading, I was still thinking, “This is very faith-based, and it is very much something that every Christian could use.”
I wanted to close by sharing a story that he shares in the book. The second time he went in for treatment, he met a woman named Sky. She asked him to describe his story of what he was like before addiction took over his life, and after he finishes telling the story, she says, “I think you've endured enough already, don't you?” She told him that she had read the story of a woman who was an early member of AA, who said that “the concept of salvation in the Bible has a secondary meaning that few people know about, it means to come home.” So in his book, Ian says, “I ask you, have you endured enough already? Don't you want salvation so that you can finally come home?”
That is my question for you, too. Are you tired of allowing this addiction to control your life, steal the peace, steal the joy, and the freedom that is not filling that hole of what is inside of us? To steal the authentic salvation that Christ brings? Ian shared that at first, these addictions seem great and like they solve all of our problems, but then we realize that those addictions come up with their own problems, to the point where those problems become bigger than the issue they were trying to fix.
That is the turning point for so many of us, hitting rock bottom and finally making a decision. But the truth is, you do not have to wait until your life is falling apart. You do not have to lose your health, your marriage, your job, or your peace to start the journey of healing. Wherever you are right now, ask God, “What are the things in my life that are getting in the way? What am I using to fill this ache inside of me?” And then, take that next brave step: “God, help me begin. Help me take that first step toward healing.”
And if you are ready, pick up a book like Ian’s. It’s a practical way to walk through what the Bible teaches about healing, through the lens of the 12 Steps, and always with Christ at the center. It shows you, step by step, how to let Him fill that empty place. Because that is the real invitation, to come home to Him.
I would love to hear the ways in which you struggle with this concept. Whether it is an addiction in the traditional way that we think of addiction, like alcohol or drugs. Or do you struggle with an addiction to food, work, porn, gambling, or anything else? Feel free to DM me on Instagram or Facebook, or you can comment on any of the posts we have there.
RESOURCES:
Tired of up-and-down feelings stealing your peace, sabotaging your relationships, and filling your mind with self-defeating thoughts? If so, make sure to get my new book, “Emotional Confidence: 3 Simple Steps to Manage Emotions with Science and Scripture”.
Connect with author Ian Morgan Cron
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