4 Ways to Cope When Motherhood Feels Relentless
Last Updated on August 26, 2024 by Alicia Michelle
Being a mom is wonderful, right?! It's just the everyday mothering tasks that, if we're not careful, can slowly eat us alive.
Whining, up-all-night feedings, lingering illnesses, ongoing discipline issues, endless homework, and all that time in the car: Everyday motherhood is downright relentless.
How can we deal with the hectic, perpetual pace of raising kids and running a home?
Here are 4 things I've learned on how to manage motherhood's relentless pace.
Tip #1: Have a Stopping Point.
True, we can’t ever completely take off our mothering hat (unless we magically get transported to a desert island for six weeks or something) but it’s critical that we build in breaks and boundaries.
Establish regular times (and yes, you have to schedule it) where you are not feeding, wiping, carrying, or otherwise taking care of a little person’s needs.
Yes, I know this is hard to do. Yes, it takes a little creativity and some out of the box thinking.
But here’s what’s a stake if you don’t do it: your anger level, your sanity and maybe even your self-worth.
What can a “stopping point” look like?
- Making the most of nap times (or encouraging a quiet afternoon play time if your kids are too old to nap.
- Establishing a morning routine where you can spend a few quiet moments to yourself (exercising, reading, praying—whatever fills you up).
- Taking a 15 minute walk a few times a week (yes even up and down your street if need be).
- A regularly scheduled phone call with a friend (go into the other room and shut the door).
- Regular date nights (you've got to get this resource for great ideas!) with your husband or significant other (when you don’t talk about the kids!).
- Longer weekend breaks a few times a year, either by yourself (grab an inexpensive local hotel room) or with your husband or a friend.
We often try to sabotage our own rest, don't we? I definitely do.
These two scriptures have really challenged me lately in this area:
Isaiah 28:12: God has told his people, “'Here is a place of rest; let the weary rest here. This is a place of quiet rest.' But they would not listen.”
Isaiah 30:15: This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it.
It really is OK to stop and rest. Really. (I'm telling myself as much as I'm telling you!).
Tip #2: Keep a 5-Year or 10-Year Perspective.
On the most hectic parenting days where I am worn out and completely frustrated, I play a little math game. You can play it too (I promise it’s not painful). Ready?
I simply add 5 or 10 years to my children’s ages and think about what life will be like then.
I don’t dream about the future in a fantasy sort of way. Those days will have their own unique set of trials and burdens, right?
But, instead, I use these thoughts to remind me that my kids won’t always be stuck in this same behavioral phase:
- I won’t always have kids in diapers.
- My son won’t always want me to read him a story and sing him songs at night.
- My older kids won’t always be available to run a quick errand with me.
RELATED VIDEO: “Change. Can. Be. Slow.” (subscribe here)
These truths ground me and give me endurance on those days when I am sure that things will never ever change.
Tip #3: Catch the (anger) foxes.
In Song of Solomon 2:15 (in the Bible), the verse describes how we are to “catch the little foxes” that can run in and steal the joy of marriage: “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” (NLT)
While this verse is specifically talking about marriage, there are so many applications here to motherhood!
What habits do we continue to allow in our daily mothering that make it that much more difficult?
Mommy anger was one that tripped me up for a long time and made motherhood very challenging.
It quickly turned my already relentless pace into a joyless, guilt-ridden one.
Tip #4: Stop Expecting Perfection.
This was an epiphany for me last year.
I found myself mired in the quicksand of “destination sickness” thinking (you know—where you think that life will finally be happier when you reach that one parenting stage or this one great thing happens?).
Destination sickness is kind of like chasing that mirage in the desert: We’re chasing a fantasy that doesn’t exist.
Here are two facts that we must face:
- There will always, always, always be something to challenge us on our mothering journey; and
- Motherhood’s relentless pace will wax and wane, but it will always be there.
Ladies, we must stop holding our breath and waiting for “that day” or “that moment” to come in order to fully embrace and enjoy our mothering journey.
It’s Mother’s Day, and I just sent my kids out with my husband so I could Google “coping with mommy burnout.” Ironic? :/ How thankful I am that the Lord led me to your website for the first time. This is a wonderful Mother’s Day gift to me – hope and encouragement for these wearisome days. I have three kids (2, 3, and 4 years old) and am a stay-at-home mom while my husband works in construction and attends seminary. We are very active in ministry and many people look to me for encouragement and support, yet I find myself overreacting and even exploding over the past month, absolutely exhausted and exasperated by the constant, unrelenting demands made upon my already worn out mind, emotions, and body. My closest friends have only one child (still babies) and can’t relate to my frustrations of juggling three little ones, leaving me feeling so ALONE. Although I am confident of God’s presence and sufficient grace to carry me through these challenges, it is an incredible relief to hear affirmation from another Jesus-loving mama that these times are HARD (honestly feel unbearable lately), but God’s Word offers hope…and your practical suggestions are tremendously helpful. From someone who doesn’t have enough income these days to purchase training courses, I want to thank you also for the “7 Days to a Less Angry Mom” course which you offer freely and which is already helping me work through my emotions and sinful responses (started listening and taking notes a few minutes ago). Alicia, you have ministered to me in a precious way today. Thank you.
Oh yes… this is huge for me too! I can’t even tell you the number of times that I’ve asked myself, “What was I worried about on this date 10 years ago?” I would tell you that I have no clue. God knows what those worries are, and He knows what our worries will be 10 years from this date! He doesn’t want us to focus on those but instead to take on the troubles of today with this help.
Great advice and tips! I find that 10 year thinking really helps me. Often what I’m stressing over won’t even matter in 10 years.
Oh yes!! We all have an end to our rope, don’t we?! Thanks for stopping by and sharing! 🙂
I am usually a very patient person, but even I have an end to my rope – these are great tips to remember during those times. Thanks for joining us at #FridayFrivolity this week!
Thank you, Amy, for your honest words here. I love what you’ve shared!
Wow. The attention to anger really hits home for me. I have to constantly remember that no one other than me knows what I expect, and getting angry over how I wanted a day to go instead of planning it out with my family is not healthy. Thank you so much for sharing this at the Monday Mish Mash.
*Hugs*
Oh, Wendy! I am SO GLAD that God used this post to speak to you so powerfully! Thank you for sharing that! I understand how challenging mothering can be, especially when kids are close together (I have two that are almost exactly two years apart and have almost been like having twins since their maturity levels are the same!). Hang in there! You are not alone in this. I am praying for you! You CAN get through this!
I randomly came across this post and I truly believe it’s because god directed me to it! I was watching a monitor after an hour of my son fighting his nap…of course at this point I have tried all the tricks! I was frustrated and done but started reading your blog. I cried and cried and cried!!!! I have two kiddos three and almost two…yes only sixteen months apart and boy am I in a challenging stage for both of them! All I can really say is thank you! This helped me more then you will ever know!
Yes, great advice! Thank you, Mistie!
Very great advice. Especially taking breaks, resting and the ‘math game’ :). I do the math game a lot when my patience is going. It won’t last long, not at all. Even the time spent together will go quickly when the kids get older. Take advantage of the time we have.
Awesome! Thank you so much! 🙂
Great post and totally agree. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
Completely agreed! Motherhood is hard work! Thanks for sharing!
Great post, so important to make sure we take time to rest when we need it as motherhood is SO demanding. #justanotherlinky
Your comment made my whole day! Thank you so so much! I love that the site is a “perfect fit” pair of jeans for you, and that you feel at home here! Such a huge compliment, so thanks!!
I will pray for your son! I have a son who is on the spectrum and struggles with having to learn the same issues over and over, so I totally get what you’re saying. HANG IN THERE because God will use all that you’re pouring into your son to do amazing things in him. Continue to seek God for how to lead your son, and He will be faithful to provide! Blessings to you!
Thank you so much, Bev!
I LOVED this! And I feel a little like I’m shopping for jeans as I peruse blogs – super picky, but I must say, yours is perfect fit! Bless you today and thank you for speaking into my life through your video (especially!) and your post.
My 5 year old son has a lot of physical energy and sees the world in a pecking order, especially his classmates and is not okay authority. I do feel we have been working on the same issues over and over, mainly behavior in school when “no one is watching” or when in a class. He has the knowledge of Scripture that the Lord is with him, able to help since he cannot have self control without the Lord’s strength, but the fruit of this truth has not been particularly obvious ! :-/ Thank you for your offer to pray! I am pursuing insight and am so grateful I found treasure in your site. Bless you!
Alicia,
Great post and good tips. Thanks for sharing at Turn It Up Tuesday,
Bev
Audrey, OH YES… I am definitely a different mom when I am tired too!! Lately I’m learning how much sleep really does impact my attitude and ability to be a good mom. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing!
Thank you for sharing! I appreciate your thoughts on it, and glad that the post encouraged you to live more in the moment!
Oh yes! I had to learn that too. I kept thinking that someday I would “arrive” as a parent and it would no longer be a struggle. Yeah… still waiting for that to happen! LOL It’s always a (good) learning and growing process… and it will never be perfect. 🙂
Hi Kathleen! I’m glad you were encouraged by it! Yes, it’s easy to think that this season is forever… but if we’re able to step outside that space we can see that, really, it IS only a season and that seasons change. Thank you for sharing!
Hey Peter! Love it! Congrats on your new little one! 🙂
I am definitely a different Mom when I am tired. Like today… but I am trying to constantly remind myself it isn’t his fault I didn’t sleep well last night and take a deep breath before I scream about thins like the ground in strawberry in the carpet. Sigh! At least he was snacking on fresh fruit, right?
Thanks for partying with us on #FridayFrivolity
Tip #3 really spoke to me – I’ve really been struggling to live more in the moment lately, rather than putting things off for this imaginary ‘perfect day’ in the future.
Thanks so much for sharing at #FridayFrivolity 🙂
This post is GREAT! As a mom of 2 under 3, “mommying” can get so overwhelming … and fast! And one point that made things a whole lot better for me was to stop expecting everything to be perfect. It’s not … and once you master one phase, your kids hit you with another. It will never be perfect! Thanks for sharing!
What an encouraging post for moms. Looking at the big picture and knowing that these issues won’t last forever is wise indeed. I like the bit about the little foxes and lessons that teaches us all. Thanks for sharing these helpful bits of wisdom on the Blogger Pit Stop.
Kathleen
Nice read.. My wife is going to be mom soon – she is at times hot headed.
Not sure how she is going to cope. Will show this piece to her.. Hope she does not bang my head :/
Peter
These are great tips! Thank you, Louise, for sharing!
All very important tips! Managing my temper – and learning to be kind to myself when it doesn’t work out – have been important for me. I also try hard not to always rush. Giving moments time to happen at child pace where possible helps a lot.