Are Unrealistic Expectations Ruining Your Marriage?

Last Updated on August 22, 2024 by Alicia Michelle

I have conversations all the time with an imaginary man. In fact, I'll bet you do too. You see, we develop these unrealistic expectations in marriage–specifically unrealistic expectations of how our marriage should be (and especially how our husbands “should” treat us).

And on days when real married life is less than ideal, we imagine how our fantasy spouse–let's call him “Prince Charming”–would act in that moment.

Prince Charming gives the “perfect” answer our your feelings, right? He says things like: “Oh, honey, you’re so right. Let me draw you a bath and give you a neck message as you tell me all about it.”

Prince Charming knows exactly what we need, and is more than happy to give it to us gift-wrapped with a lovely red bow. He is completely selfless and at our beck and call. And if we let him invade our mind regularly, this fantasy guy can also be a silent marriage killer.

 

Prince Charming Feeds Unhealthy Relationship Expectations

I've learned through almost 21 years of marriage that this fantasy guy that lives in my head is anything but the best man for me.

You see, for years, Prince Charming has tricked me and given me the wrong impression about how my real husband (you know the one I said “for better or worse” to) “should” treat me.

Prince Charming has whispered impossibilities into my ear—falsehoods about what marriage “should” be about and about how my husband “should” respond in each situation.

He has established unrealistic expectations in my heart about how my husband “needs” to react. He has told me that, if my husband really loved me, he would answer me in this specific way or do this specific thing.

For years, these unrealistic expectations robbed me of the true joys of my husband and severely limited our marriage. 

And yet, I was the one who let these falsehoods take root in my heart! I was the one who said, “Prince Charming, you’re right and he’s wrong. Why can’t he respond the way you do?”

Take Action Against Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage

Proverbs 14:1 says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Oh, how true this is.

And friend, today I want to be real with you about the dangers of listening to Prince Charming, and how this idealized man can slowly and inadvertently destroy the beautiful walls of your home’s foundation—your marriage.

I recently shared about this topic as part of the 31 Days to A Better Marriage Series.

This post is a very personal one for me (and I feel that it has the potential to set many women free!) so I pray that you're able to read the full post here.

Other Posts on Marriage:

• When Chronic Illness Invades Your Marriage
• The Surprising Secret to Better Sex for Christians
• Real Marriage: Why My Spouse Is Not the Enemy
• 4 Questions to Ask When Facing Tough Marital Issues
• Divorce Isn’t the Only Way to End a Marriage
• 5 Signs Your Marriage Is Headed for Trouble
• Why a Daily Check-In Makes All the Difference in Our Marriage 
• Waiting for the Miracle in Your Marriage
• 8 Bible Verses About Love in Marriage 
• Marriage Issues: What to Keep Silent and When to Share with a Spouse
• 5 Tips for Ongoing Marriage Issues that Drive You Crazy
• 10 Ground Rules for Fighting Fair in Marriage

Learn How to Manage Marriage Expectations and Communicate Better with the Consecrated Conversations Devotional

If you're ready let go of unrealistic expectations and have honest communication in your marriage, I highly recommend Consecrated Conversations as a way to talk about those important marriage issues in a holy, God-honoring, grace-filled way with your spouse.

This awesome couples devotional from my dear friends (and marriage coaches) Mike + Carlie Kercheval goes deep on important topics that matter to Christian couples (everything from forgiveness to communication issues to sex).

This best-selling couples devotional has helped over 16,000 couples build a better marriage!

The Kerchevals, certified marriage coaches, Bible teachers and an awesome married couple of over 21 years, will introduce you to a 30 day, step-by-step proven process for learning:

• how to pray together as a couple
• how to read the Bible as a couple
• how to better communicate about important marriage issues

With three sections in each devotion (including a Bible verse, “Converse & Reflect” questions, and a sample prayer), this marriage resource encourages couples to discover intimacy in marriage like never before.

Consecrated Conversations is a digital resource, which means my husband and I don't need to carry a book around because we have this powerful couples devotional available right on our phones or tablets. Yes!

And there's a bonus video workshop ($97 value!) and 30 scripture cards ($17 value) to go with the devotional!

I love how practical this couples devotional is, and how Mike and Carlie really encourage couples to invite God into their marriage discussions. Only God is the one that can bring true satisfaction, contentment and unity in marriage, right?

I also appreciate that Consecrated Conversations understands the big needs of Christian couples: that we want to communicate and connect with our spouses and we're disappointed and hurt that we can't seem to make it happen. Consecrated Conversations is a specific, proven roadmap for a closer marriage for Christian couples. 

I highly recommend this marriage devotional to many couples as the best couples devotional out there! Order your copy here.

P.S. Did I mention that this couples devotional experience (that includes an e-book, a video workshop, and scripture cards) is an INSANE value?! It's only $47 for $161 worth of content.

Seriously, the Consecrated Conversations Devotional is an amazing bible study experience to do with your spouse! What are you waiting for? 

GO HERE TO GET CONSECRATED CONVERSATIONS